What is my wife going through and what do I do as a husband?

[Eccentric Dad]

Necessary Details: My wife and I both work 40 hours at the same health center where she is the Accounting person and I am the IT person. We have 2 children who are overly entitled (not my opinion either, I just know that the children have MUCH more than other children their age do - what 7 year old has their own laptop?)... We make enough money between the two of us to cover bills; I am content with my income and my wife believes she's worth twice as much as she is getting paid. The house duties have been a problem but for different reasons; she wants more free time and wants less work to do, I just don't want to do it alone because I know two people doing a job gets it done faster.

The Norm: My wife comes home from work on a Friday night and either makes dinner or she orders pizza. She then attempts to plan a weekend where the family hangs out and the two of us hang out (which normally results in a fight because I don't like her hobbies and visa versa).. Something happens and she is seduced into going onto her laptop and the weekend just slips away in a trance for her; meanwhile, I spend the entire weekend panicked about chores and I end up getting mad at her for binging on entertainment and we end up fighting over it. Giving up, I do the laundry, clean the house, and I normally keep myself available in case she wants to hang out. While she's hyper-focused on her Facebook, books, and girlfriends, I am the one to break up fights with the kids, go shopping for the family (getting healthy non-GMO, USDA organic, whole foods), and I sometimes find time to read about tech news on my phone... I used to be a gamer, but I haven't gamed in a few years; my wife on the other hand hated games, but now plays candy crush daily and is level 200 something without spending money...

This Weekend: My wife comes home from work on Friday and has made no effort to make food. This actually has been going on all week. We had take out 3 times and the remaining night I cooked. Instead, she immediately went to the computer and scrolled her Facebook. Seeing the writing on the wall I decided @ 7pm to take a trip to the store and get food for the weekend and shop for the pets. I didn't make it back until 10pm and dinner was still not served/prepared. Instead I found empty bowls of sugary non-gmo cereal where the kids fed themselves... I brushed it off and put things away. She got off the computer for the night and I got on to do work related things. She went in the bedroom and read on her Kindle (norm) but she didn't put the kids to bed before she did. I chose not to too because I had work to do and 1am hit and I finally checked on the kids and they were passed out with the lights on. I then went to bed without saying a word to my wife and she laid in bed reading through the night (she's reading black dagger brotherhood books). The next morning she slept in (which is unusual) and I did the laundry, the recycle, and then had to go to the store again realizing my wife wasn't going to do any cooking this weekend and I had lots of work to do from home; so I bought a bunch of frozen foods (still non-gmo and organic but loaded with sodium) and filled the freezer. So far our kids (7 & 11) had to feed themselves cereal again and my wife barely gave the kids enough attention to give them mac&cheese with peas mixed in (an extremely low par meal compared to our usual). When she was finished off the computer (she was on from time got up to about 5pm) I went back to working from home and she went back to reading... This is where things get weird. She begins to realize (I think) that I am not seeking her attention and she stops her reading to text with a friend. I normally give her a hard time for spending too much time on electronics but I didn't this weekend (negative attention is better than no attention I guess). Eventually she stops texting with a friend then finally talks to me (after not for 2 days) and says "Let's start a new anime series together".... Mind you, I'm busy working, all this work needs to be done before Monday. So I politely reject her and I tell her to entertain herself. She goes back to reading and stays up past the time I went to bed making me put the kids to bed alone again. This morning she slept in and everyone else got up at 8am (her 11am). We didn't talk much except to say hi and she got on her computer. I had a major server error and now I'm at the office....

So what do you make of it? Is she getting depressed that I won't give her the typical narcissistic supply and that I'm succeeding in living without her or that I'm not starved for her attention? What could she be going through to provoke so much reading and otherwise escapism on the internet?
By the way, I don't want to make it sound like I don't cook. I do. It's just that going shopping for 3 hours was the trade off for her cooking. She said that since she hates going out in public and she claims she is a "shy introvert" that she would cook if I did all the things related to leaving the house. While I don't think it's a fair trade off, I still go out to the store and do all the shopping... Steaming veggies, serving fruit, and baking fish or chicken doesn't take long; I did it for 3 years... I just can't help but feel that the reason she makes me go is because she wants to be on the computer, internet, or on her other vexes and can't become sober long enough to leave the house...
Oh yeah, one more thing. I was on some medication over this weekend for a UTI and so I wasn't on the same meal schedule that her and the kids were on. So my dependency on her went from 90% to 0% this weekend and I think it blew her mind... But I seriously think something else was going on and I'd like your insights.

[Softtouchmale]

Okay my eyes are bleeding from all that text. Not your fault, its just hard to follow all of this drama without a pause.

Here's my quick response. Just keep ignoring her. Stop begging, stop anything. Don't fight with her. Just do it all, act exhausted, show no interest in her anymore and if she makes a big deal about it, just tell her since you don't matter to her by much, and the kids matter even less to her; you'll continue doing what you have to do to keep it going and raise the kids.

I'd go another mile on this and advise you to take the kids with you when you go grocery shopping and teach them to behave while out with you. Then slowly teach the kids how to help you clean up the house with you and learn to feed themselves healthy foods. Seriously.

Don't beg, don't ask; just ignore her. When she wants something, tell her to get it herself. If she says she can't, ask her if she's in a wheelchair, retarded or just suffering from some kind of fatal illness. If not, do it herself.

Seems like her facebook friends, her kindle, and all the other distractions mean more to her than you.

If she looks at you with that dumbfounded look, just remind her that you have no room in your life for selfish, self-entitled people.

And finally, teach your kids not to fight with each other. Its a terrible habit and they'll end up hurting other people in life.

[bunnyONE]

Well you're a smart guy who see's some serious signs. The number one sign being your family spends far too much time on electronics. The number two sign being she's shirking her duties and creating havoc in not doing her part to maintain a balanced marriage. The number three sign: you two aren't making time to be together and just together doing something you BOTH enjoy and I'll wager? There are plenty of things to do recreationally like bike riding to a favorite café for breakfast or lunch; taking hike together; taking a drive somewhere fun; wine tasting; a movie, c'mon, the list truly is endless unless? Once again, the kids and her are addicted to technology and ALL the ridiculous devices that go with that -- that are abused day in and day out by so many. Add all this to modeling this to your kids and not spending the RIGHT kind of time with them? -And of course, here's your recipe for the disaster coming: a wife who appears to be entering clinical depression or becoming non-communicative and having a nervous breakdown - take your pick.

You both need marriage counseling. SHE needs to either get on meds and/or get counseling AND SHE needs to do her half of the household work so it doesn't rest ALL on your shoulders. You already know you're not heading, but in a disaster zone here and now.j

I strongly suggest before Friday rolls around again? You make a plan SATURDAY to take her off somewhere for the day that is fun and AWAY from the house, the kids, without her "gadgets" and just talk about how you feel and what you see that is taking down the marriage. Let her air her side; her issues. Maybe? You two need a weekly housekeeper for starters. Maybe? You two need to agree Friday night is "free" for downtime after the week. Maybe? You two spend two hours each Sat. a.m. before all else (and that can be noon to 2 if need be...) and do the household things that need doing with the kids helping - each of you taking one child to help as well (they NEED, household chores and responsibilities~!!!) That's a start guy...

I wish you all the luck in the world...some would look at you two thinking you "have it all" but we all know in this life? "All that glitters isn't gold" and that no matter what the background? Marriage REQUIRES two people striking a balance and working together and communicating needs and? BEING REASONABLE about all...

Grace

[LL]

It sounds like she's got a tech addiction, at the very least. It's hard to say from what you said whether she's depressed, but she will be soon be if something doesn't change. It seems you've attempted to talk to her about it many times and work through everything, but she's just not getting it and maybe even feels overly criticized by you and is tuning you out or shutting down. I think you're at the point where you would benefit from marriage counseling, at the very least, you probably need to talk to someone about this. Sorry, I know you were looking for advice to help her, but you're already doing so much and you can't help someone who doesn't want to change.

[Another Crone]

Oh heck, maybe it's because the kids are all grown up and the grandkids live a state away but my husband and I have a few really lazy days now and then and manage not to attack or fight each other because of it. I'm confused, frankly, as to the level of anger and resentment you are showing over what seems to be, at this point, a few days of electronic obsession.

Reorganization of the household might help. At 7 and 11, those kids of yours are plenty old enough to be getting themselves ready and into bed. My folks would have been mad at ME if they found me passed on on the couch watching TV in the middle of the night... not mad at each other! And that endless list of weekend chores? Some of those get done by you, your wife and your kids during the week. That way, on Saturday, you can grab your kids, invite your wife, and actually GO somewhere and DO something besides shopping and fighting and finding fault with each other.

How about you talk with your wife? Tell her you miss her and would love to grab the kids and have a picnic, go bowling, ice skating, to a movie, take a hike, venture to the museum... have an adventure. Make an adventure twice a month your PRIORITY. The prince didn't wake sleeping beauty by fighting and shaking and yelling at her... he awoke her with a kiss.