I feel so bad, will he forgive me?

[dontmindbeffy]

First of all I am not a snooper, I trust my man and am very happy with him. His ex (from a long-term relationship) has been mentioned many times since we have been dating (6months now) which has made me a little uneasy. I saw that they had been talking on facebook and I asked him about it, he said he just wanted some closure and told me to look through the conversation. I saw that he had been persistent in trying to may amends with her, I was a little uneasy about it but I accepted that it was innocent and left it. Many months later and I oversaw him talking to her on facebook again, when on his laptop curiosity took over me and I had a look at their conversation to see that they were talking at length every day and there was a little flirting. I was upset at this and went to leave his house, when asking why I was storming out I said it was because he had kept these conversations from me.

I have never seen him so angry, when trying to explain myself he just asked me to leave and shouted. I sent him a very long apology saying how I know it was wrong to look through the conversation and that I didn't mean to invade his privacy. He told me he was going out for the night and will see me tomorrow. when trying to apologise further he got angry and started swearing at me.

This is our first proper fight and I don't know how to fix this? I know that it is my fault for snooping, but he also hid that he was talking to her all the time. He told me that he loves me and he doesn't know why I didn't trust him, I remain that I do trust him but it was an innocent curiosity thing. Does he have the right to be so mad? how can I make this better?

[athena.bond42]

When your boyfriend is having flirtatious conversations with his ex, on a regular basis, you have a right to be upset.

The fact that you happened to see it on his computer becomes irrelevant. He's the one committing the crime and he's trying to make it seem like you;re the one who has done something wrong.

The fact is, you don;t trust him because he;s not trustworthy. How would HE feel if if he found you flirting with your ex in the same way? Hmm..

He yelled at you because he got caught and tried to deflect. You apologized but you said sorry for too much. Here's what you should have said.

"The only thing I apologize for is that I couldn't help myself from reading something of yours that was personal. What I discovered however is now the issue. You betrayed me first by carrying on this relationship with your ex, but you're trying to make this about me snooping. If you truly loved me, you wouldn't be doing this. You're welcome to communicate as much as you like with whomever you like now.. I'm out."

Let him do the apologizing. If he does love you, he will and he'll also realize he was in the wrong. If he doesn't then he's a jerk. When someone gets caught betraying you, the method by which it's discovered becomes unimportant. He's been lying to you for quite sometime. Umm.. who's guilty?

It's like you peering in someone's window and seeing them murder someone - then having that person accuse you of being a peeping Tom. Ridiculous.