How can I get us back to the happy times?

[Grace]

My boyfriend and I have been going out together for 1 year and 9 months over - we'll be 2 years in March. I have to admit that through our time together, we've had ups and downs but recently, he's been mentioning the past mistakes I've did to him.

To clarify, when we were less than 3 months in, we were a bit shy around each other and didn't talk much in person. We texted and FB chatted like crazy but in school, we went out with our own group of friends and didn't really spend that much time together. Few weeks later, he told me that he was hurt he wasn't included in my group of friends, so I blocked them all on Facebook, deleted every contact from my phone except his, and spent every day at school beside him.

From then on, I waited for him outside the school gate to come to school every morning, and we walked to his class together to spend a few minutes together before school started. When there were classes before lunch and break, I waited for him outside the classroom door so that we would spend lunch and break together. At PE and Extracurricular Activities, I sat on the gym floor watching him play Basketball or Soccer, while I held his phone, wallet and backpack for him. We only played sports together a handful of times, less than 5, and all of the times we played together was because I asked to - he didn't offer me to join. On weekends, I went to his house and decided to give my body to him - to show him I loved him. We were both ready and lost our virginity to each other.

I did this for about a year, every school day. And I was happy to do it, I didn't care that I must have looked like a dog for her master, because I was with him and he was happy. However, he usually went out during break and lunch with his friends, and I was left alone in the cafeteria waiting for him. Once, there was a school assembly activity thing going on till 4pm, and we decided to lounge in the cafeteria. When his friends came in and saw him, they invited him to go out of school and got in the car. He panicked, and said he would be back soon and told me to wait for him, then ran to the car with his friends in it, and left me there alone. He didn't come back till 2 hours later, after school had ended, and I was the only one left in school. He did that every week to me.

He's been pretty jealous of me hanging out with my guy friends, which is why I deleted them from my life and spent every minute with him. During PE when we were rarely playing basketball together, a girl from his class walked by...and he hit her on the butt with the ball. She chased him, he chased her and I was left alone again. Once, he abandoned his friends to go to the badminton courts and play singles with another girl. This girl was called Erica. They hung out and did projects together a lot after that, and I was beginning to worry I was losing him. So one day, when I logged on FB on our laptop, it went through his account and I stupidly went to his inbox. I'm not proud of it, but I did it our of fear he was cheating on me. Sure enough, I found dozens of messages from him to his ex, and dozens of other girls. I told him about it and how I felt, and he promised he wouldn't do it again.

Few weeks later, his FB account got through our laptop again, and it was open to his inbox. Turns out, that he wasn't keeping his promise. He invited a girl to go out with him again, and I told him I wasn't happy about it. He told me he wouldn't do it again. The 2nd time, I found out he invited another girl. I told him, and he told me it wouldn't happen again. The 3rd time, he invited ERICA to go out with him, and asked her phone number. I was tired - he had lied to me 3 times in a row, so I got really angry and told him to choose me or them. He chose me, and promised he wouldn't do it again. But then later, when he gave me his phone to keep while he was playing basketball, I searched his contacts to see what he had saved me as, and found ERICA's phone number and a the phone log had displayed dozens of messages and calls to her. I got angry again, and just gave up on making him trying to realise.

Now, he's blaming me for something that happened a year ago, when we were both just starting out. I've tried to reason with him that he did the same to me, but whenever I tried to show him my side, he told me that it was because I started to hurt him first. Sounds like revenge, doesn't it. We're fighting a lot nowadays, but we were really happy before I found out all of his secrets with other girls.

I'm overseas now because of my dad's new job, and just recently in Dec. I flew back alone for the first time to spend the New Year with him. And now, he's saying I never loved him and they were more important than him and blah blah blah. After everything I did, he still said that.

How can I make us stop fighting and get us back to the happy times? Please help me...

[cutiepie]

Im sorry but this guy is horrible...for the longest time you have made your life fully about him and he wants go bring up crap that happened in the very beginning of the relationship. You have sacraficed everything for him and what has he sacraficed for you? I mean, were you really happy to wait for him and be all alone after school? I know i would not be. And not only that but he had broken your trust so many times and lied to you because he knows he can just say he will not do it again and get away with it. I know you do not want to do this because you love him and lost your virginity to him and i get that, but cmon girl, stand up for yourself! You need to have a life too outside of him especially if he is aloud to. But more importantly i would leave his a** because he obv does not respect you enough to not talk and flirt with other girls. Find someone else girl, who will treat you so much better than this i promise that guy is out there. Good luck!!!

[Phoenix]

Show this question to him and let him know what all you've gone through. Pardon me if it sounds mean but this guy is just a playboy who uses you as some sort of a back up plan and then when he started going out with girls he did'nt need this back up anymore. And now that you're out of the way, there's no one to check on him, he probably wants things to end. If you can move on then please do. It's going to hurt you more badly if he's the one to call the relationship over coz my gut feeling says this is what's going to happen sometime.If you don't want this relationship to end, I have only one suggestion,list out everything that you've felt and has happened to you, question him and don't accept his excuses. Be direct. And don't allow him to point his finger at you.