Why do I feel like there are two of me?

[E16]

The nice soft hearted one, and the lack of empathy psychopath one. I'm a 15 year old boy. I'm quiet and described as intelligent by others. My ego is very big. I feel like I can do anything I want without anyone being able to stop me. I don't do whatever I want though. I'm not like those intelligent swagf@gs who say "F the rules". By anything, I don't mean that. I follow rules and have no problems with that. I don't need to seem "cool" to others by disobeying simple rules. What I mean is, if I had a desire to rob a big bank, something like that, I would be able to. I feel like I'm Intelligent enough to think how to do what I want and get away with it. You know, no finger prints, fake tan, fake real looking scar, colored contacts etc. I'm not going to though. I don't need to nor do I wanna become wealthy that way.

I don't really feel for people either. I can, but I just don't feel anything! Not like "oh, I couldn't care less about their dead grandfather". I just don't feel anything. There is a women at church who recently lost her father, and on the Sunday after he died, she spoke to everyone on top of that thing where the pastor speaks. The way she was speaking showed her sadness, but I didn't feel anything. I'm not a "Christian" okay. I mean, I think I believe in God, but I learn in Sunday class what a Christian is, and I'm not one. I'm not going to be like most "Christians" and say I am one.

Also, I'm arrogant I suppose. I'm not ashamed of it though! I love feeling like I'm more than others. I love when people online say my ego is big and that I'm so arrogant. I don't know why.

I like the feeling of power. Sometimes, I put on Rammstien, look at pictures of a girl(s) I like on Instagram, and imagine myself and her as powerful rulers. You know, Nazi like power. I also look at a picture of Adolf Eichmann just cause I like how he looks in that picture(the one on his Wiki). I'm not gay, I just like it. I'm not a Nazi. I don't believe in a "master race". Heck, I'm not even Germanic, and the Nazi's wouldn't probably put me in a camp for my back round. Wow, this is the real me 0.0 I'm so different than what I act like I am. And people don't even know what goes on in my mind haha

I also think of lots of possibilities, even for dumb things! Like on a "what college is right for you?" quiz, it had what house I'd prefer. This is what I thought of the options. Mansion-(probably gonna be in a boring neighborhood in Georgia", Beach mansion-(what if I have a baby and it escapes, then drowns), -Log mansion-(blizzards and what if I have an emergency), Penthouse-(can't make as much noise as I would like to one day if I want to play my music loud inside) ETC.

then I got Duke, and saw it was in North Carolina. I don't know much of the state, but I think it would be boring. Yale is a different story. I know it's in New Haven, but it's YALE.

but I also love animals! I wouldn't hurt them! I heard psychopaths do, but I don't!

okay, I think I don't have another side then, just the fake one I show others.

also, I really like girls sometimes, but sometimes I feel as if I don't need a girlfriend, or have desire to be in a relationship, even though I've never had a girlfriend. Well I have, but in 3rd grade. That was just a "cute" one tho.

I mean, my parents have never abused me. I can look at pictures of humans mutilated bodies without having to throw up like other people. I don't like it, but I don't feel anything, yet, I'm afraid of looking at "scary" pictures at night. I'm still sort of afraid of the dark.

also, I've never gotten in a fight, yet, the idea of fighting someone thrills me! I just want some swag kid to try to provoke me, so I could show him who's superior to him. You know, just let my anger out. I'm not saying that I always feel angry, since I don't, so don't think that I always feel angry, since most of the time, I don't.

also, dark things intrigue me. You know, Illuminati, "Sons of the fallen" etc.

I like all types of music, from metal, rap, electro, classical, country, ancient Egyptian/Greek/Aztec, Traditional Albanian, Jewish, Mexican, Nordic etc.

I have other things to write, but don't feel like wasting too much time.

[Kleigh]

You're just an understimulated 15 year old boy. When you realize you're not smarter ("that thing where the pastor speaks") than everyone else, probably couldn't rob a bank (the stuff you listed is typical Law & Order re-run material), REALLY needs to get your ass kicked (by a girl), and are interested in the same garbage that fascinates EVERYONE else, you will be far less self absorbed and far more humble. You're not even close to a sociopath/psychopath. You're a spoiled American kid.

[Gabriel]

Its called consciousness. There are plains and plateus of everyones mind that are only activayed by specific stimulants, change the stimulant? Change the conscious. Its really not that compicated or phenomenal as youre percieving, its pretty much the center around mosf eastern relgions