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+--- Thread: Just learned that my new husband has been emailing with old Girlfriend on facebook.? (/thread-35712.html)
- Lovely - 11-09-2012 08:04 PM
awww this is a tough one, i would stick it out you made a vow before God..but if he cheats (depends on what he said in the email) then leave him. you deserve to be happy
- Annabella - 11-09-2012 08:04 PM
I always have a hard time deciphering what's going on with someone from just a few sentences. It's like what came first, the chicken or the egg? Would he be secretive if you were a really cool & secure person? Are you someone that trips out to the point that he doesn't clue you in on things to avoid drama? I mean you did "deactivate" his account. I wouldn't have done that & to me that says you just controlled his @ss like he's an 8 yr old. There is such a thing as ruling so much with an iron fist that nobody wants to tell you anything anymore. I understand that lying is total BS but sometimes you have to look inward as well & find out why he feels he has to hide things. My husband is still friends with his ex, I've met her, had her over for BBQ's, etc. He has no problem saying "oh I just got a text from ____ today" because I'm not going to trip on it & he knows that.
- mommyof3 - 11-09-2012 08:04 PM
My husband and I have an agreement that I do not have men on my facebook other than relatives(my husband does not do facebook, he isn't interested, so the rule needn't apply to him). Even if they were sincerely just my friend in high school, I do not need to keep in touch with them. For what? There are plenty of lady friends for me to keep in touch with. There is no reason for your husband to be friends with a non-related lady on facebook or whatever else. Especially an old girlfriend, for pete's sake. If he is guilty of nothing else, he is making you jealous, which is normal, and he should care about that. Tell him you do not want him to contact other ladies, and you will not contact other men. This is the safest route that will keep your marriage happiest. Ask him how he'd feel if you were contacting old boyfriends, and telling them things about your husband that he didn't want you to tell. If he is honest, he knows good and well he would hate it. If he will not respond, I really don't know what to tell you. I personally would remain in a marriage unless there was unrepentant cheating going on and on. A good man I know once said regarding members of the opposite sex who are not his wife, "I'd rather be a prude than a casualty." So true! Best wishes!
- Janet W - 11-09-2012 08:04 PM
Not only is he disrespecting your relationship but he's emotionally cheating on you. Either he wants to be married or he doesn't. There is never under any circumstances room in a relationship for an ex-girlfriend. There is no reason that he needs to talk to her, he's married. I would tell him that he's immature and secretive and that he's given you no other choice but to either demand that he cuts the ties or your moving on. I might even go as far as to talking to the ex girlfriend and asking her why she thinks she has the right to even stay in touch with this married man.
- candyg476 - 11-09-2012 08:04 PM
this is not a boyfriend. Both of you are going to do and say things that may bw wrong in your marriage. Hopefully nothing too too bad, but things are going to happen. That does not mean the action is right, it just means that you have to work it out. I don't want my husband talking to other women either. However, I made a decision to trust him. You should be able to trust a man you sleep with every night. While your husband shound not have been talking about you to an ex, don't start off your marriage as some crazy controlling wife. You are still both individuals just working as one unit. A marriage can get real bad when one partner feels like the parent and the other feels like the child. A marriage is all about making decisions. I told my husband that he knows the difference between wrong and right and their are consequences for every action whether I know about it or not. And I leave it at that. Because you can spend the rest of your life snooping around playing detective, or you can let things come to you if they are truly meant to surface. closing his facebook account, turning off his phone, locking him in the house-none of these things are going to make him do exactly what you want him to do. Talking with him, trusting him, communicating with him, and laying down expectations will make for a much peaceful and stress free marriage. You should still be in the honeymoon phase not arguing about craziness. Just tell him to be honest with you as it is important and get back to the wild and crazy sex that should be setting the ground work for a happy loving marriage
- curious24 - 11-09-2012 08:04 PM
what his relationship was with his x b4 you got married and what kind of things he was saying about you to her in the email makes a big
difference in how to answer this question. the question is is if your shocked by this discovery or would you think hes the kind of guy that wouldve done this before you got married? if youre not that surprised then you set your own trap and you have to go see someone to figure out why your insecure and married the guy unless hes was friends with her b4
- Lovely - 11-09-2012 08:04 PM
i say he's a lyn SOB ad you should give him a taste of his own medicine cuz he's probably cheatn! Get yourself together, look like a million bucks and go get you a friend (male) that could be a "possible". I bet you wont even dwell on what your husbends doing but he sure will start dwelling on what your doing. Take care of yourself don't even worry, focus on you and what you need to do to make you feel better.
- jnyou1 - 11-09-2012 08:04 PM
Mad at you for getting upset that you're upset for the emailing....yeh honey that's what this type does, they turn the anger on you to cover their tracks, let me guess when he got mad at you...you probably pursued him and he still was mad about that and tried to convince him why you did it...blah blah. blah....he willl try to justify it...only if you let him
http://www.manwars.blogspot.com
- jnyou1 - 11-09-2012 08:04 PM
Wow, sounds to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants the stability of marriage while secretly trying to hang on to what it was like to be single. He's got to make a choice between staying in touch with old hoochies or staying married to you. If he is trying to justify his behavior and it's happening this early in your marriage, doesn't really sound like he was ready to be married at all.
- chris s - 11-09-2012 08:04 PM
You didn't describe the contents of the emails. Were they innocent? Were they just talking because they are friends? If so, there was no harm in it, and you grossly overreacted. Where do you get off canceling his account? Why should he change his phone number? It IS a big hassle. What things did he say about you? You didn't tell us that either, so we really have no way of judging if he's been doing anything wrong or not. You do, however, sound very possessive and controlling. A little advise- calm down, stop spying on him, use rational thought (not emotional) and figure out if he really did anything to be unfaithful to you. If you simply don't want him to talk to any woman (as friends), you need to figure out why you're so insecure.