How to make church go by faster?

[Lungboy]

Ha! I actually did try the listening to music part when I was in my teens.

This was before wireless headsets so I got a single bud earphone and ran the cable up the inside of my jacket sleeve. I made sure we sat close to the back and picked seats against the wall where my earphone was.

It worked great for half an hour but then the tape (yeah tape, I know, I'm old) reached the end and it had the features to flip over and play the other side. Normally you wouldn't think that would be so loud but in a hall where there is only a brother droning on and on in a monotone voice it was like thunder.

Ka-CHUNK!! click click whirrrrrr click click Ka-CHUNK!

The whole hall was looking around to see where the noise came from. Naturally I joined in looking around me. After a while I made the excuse to go to the bathroom, removed the cassette player and stuffed it in my sock. Slowly walked back to my chair hoping it wouldn't come loose, then bent down pretending to check my meeting bag and slipped it out of my pantleg and into the bag.

Never tried it again, but it was a good idea.

If you go this route, make sure you practice before hand. Check for low battery conditions, is there a tone or flashing light?

Otherwise I took up mathematics and would write out complex questions and try to solve them in the margins. It wasn't drawing or doodling so my parents didn't get too concerned, but I think they knew what I was doing.

I feel for you though, I couldn't tell you how many times I counted the ceiling tiles or lights, or try to see how many chairs were missing the little plastic "knobs" on the top.

After I got married, I didn't really care. I would bring work to the meetings and do our family finances, balance the checkbook or study things for work. I had a couple times flagged in the meeting to prepare a comment for so people just thought I was taking notes.

Worked well. Fortunately after a while my wife started having doubts and now we are both out. Haven't been to a meeting or assembly in years. Sooo nice.