I am looking for a way to believe in God?

[starofiniquity]

I've actually come across a similar point in life, and I hit sort of a loophole. I come from a racially Jewish background, so I've become more immersed in a reformed Jewish culture. That said, there are many atheist, reformed Jews that still sing songs about God, that still participate in old religious traditions, but they are part of the synagogue to keep their culture alive, and to benefit from a tight-knit community.

The same fundamental rule applies to Christianity in my opinion. Talk to many heads of many churches, and look for one who embraces science, accepts obvious truths like the theory of evolution, sexuality equality, etc. and discuss your situation with them. When you find a pastor, or whatever s/he may be that is willing to accept you into their community knowing that you may have "lost your way" so to speak, then you'll gain the benefits of a religious community with an open mind without having to feel that your feigning anything at all.