Does it sound like I'm mentally ill?

[Michael]

I ask this, because it is a genuine concern for me. I come from a family in which mental illness is actually common, in the forms of Depression, Paranoia, Anxiety, Social Anxiety, and PTSD.

Look the reason I worry is because I don't believe my mind is exactly right. I'm paranoid in ways people shouldn't be. Sometimes my mind comes up with insane conspiracy theories. Like the rest of our species is telepathic, and are just being kind to me, because I'm the village retard and was born without telepathy, and all of these languages are just sounds my brain comes up with. I hear things sometimes, there are times where I could swear that someone is calling my name, or I'm in a store and I hear someone call my name and start trying to sell me something, but it just sounds like mixed up words and gibberish. At other times I could swear I see someone walking past me, but when I look back at it it's just shadows, or I see a sign that reads "Kill Yourself," and I look back and it's a ******* Car Advertisement.

And that's not even considering the sick fantasies I have sometimes, who in their right mind wakes up after a dream about cannibalism with an erection, or feels thirsty or hungry looking at a bleeding cut on another person's arm. Look I know I'm messed up in the head, but it seems like it keeps getting worse. I think I need to go see a Psychiatrist, but I don't have the money. Am I going crazy, am I just screwed in the head, what the HELL is wrong with me?