Does it sound like I'm mentally ill?

[Merry]

The first thing I would advise is to get a checkup. You wouldn't believe how vitamin deficiencies, viruses, thyroid problems, an old head injury (just a minor nothing of a concussion) can derail your mental health.

Next, try a media fast. TV is traumatizing and addictive because it allows you to be passively engaged. Stop looking up scary things on the internet, don't watch the news, read a book or magazine or go for a walk instead.

Here's the deal: people who are legitimately insane rarely know it. You seem intelligent and articulate and have communicated your worries very well. It's very easy to slip into a pattern of fearfulness and you just need to break the habit by cutting off the triggers. And I, too, come from a family full of mentally ill people--that alone will make you paranoid.

Waking up with an erection is normal! And dreams are never about what they seem; they're your subconscious trying to work things out.

That said, if you, during waking hours, fantasize about hurting yourself or anyone else, confide in a physician or therapist who can help you. You may just need some antianxiety medication in the short term or you may need to talk out your fears with an objective therapist who can calm them. Don't make yourself crazy by obsessing that you're crazy. Our minds get overwhelmed and it affects all of us. But do get a check up! Food allergies testing may also be prudent as allergies can cause your thoughts to go haywire!

Good luck.