I've been feeling unhappy in school?

[Crystal Hart]

Sorry I didn't mean for it to be this long, I guess a lot of it is just venting but words of support would be nice.

I'm 15. I'm not that great at making friends. All the friends that I have that I'm close with and get along with really well don't go to my school, plus they're all crazy. I know that sounds harsh and I love them but I always have to worry because they're always getting arrested and doing crazy **** like cocaine and whatnot. I smoke and drink sometimes but it's completely different, I'm always "the responsible one" (aka the boring one). At school the only friends I made are totally different, they're nice people and all but it's hard to relate to them cause they're so sheltered. To be honest I don't really tell them about all the crazy stuff on the weekends (not that they've ever asked) cause they're kind of judgmental about that sort of stuff.
A lot of people at my school think I'm extremely straight-edge I guess cause of the people I hang out with and the fact that I'm quiet and do well in school. I spend a lot of time studying, stressed out either worrying about school or my friends. Getting good grades doesn't even make me happy. The only reason I continue working so hard in school is cause it's the only thing I'm good for.
I'm pretty self conscious nowadays and I just want to be carefree like I used to, before I had to start visiting my friends in mental hospitals, promises broken about cocaine, have friends be barely conscious cause they haven't eaten for too long, and wallow all the time about how no guy would ever want to f*ck me.