Can somebody help me? Advice!?

[Ashley A]

I am very shy. I don't do well with big groups. I would
be the loser sitting in the back, alone. Even at family
gatherings. I hate it! No one makes me feel
comfortable and I relized it's just me with the problem!
I dropped out of school due to my depression, and
just other issues. I take full responsibility for my actions and I am currently studying for my GED test so I can find work.


This shyness has been a part of me my whole life! It's
more like social anxiety! At the age of seven I was getting sexually abused and physically abused. Now, instead of my ex-step, father and brother doing it, my
older brother will call me ugly, dumb *****, fat ***, and more.

I really had grown to really dislike my brother. Whenever we talk he insults me! Whenever I be nice he insults me so I began just ignoring him because I am sick of this!

I already want to commit suicide due to me not feeling
loved by this girl I've known for years. Nobody knows
but it hurts me dearly. I want her to forgive me and I
think she can tell how awkward I am.

I would post a simple status up, "I got to baby sit today! Ugh" . I would not get any likes, nothing! My little cousins got more likes than me! Ugh. I de-activated my facebook today because I can't stand this feeling of being ignored!

I need help in order to stop this social anxiety. It follows me in person to ONLINE! It sucks so much! I just want to cry! From me being abused, I don't want to open up to anybody! I already don't open up and people still hurt me! I need help, please! :'( advice! I need to make a change! I am crying now!