Am i shallow, insecure or what...why do i want to be friends with them?

[Girl.]

Well i think all my life I've always seeked people who would accept and like me for me. I wouldn't talk to popular's, attractive people cos i felt like i wasn't good enough and they wouldn't like me. So I'd automatically go to a loner, someone alone, unattractive person, nice accepting person. I am pretty/cute/average in appearance.

I'm 20 now. I don't have my own group of friends, i don't have a bestfriend, i just have 3 family friends who i talk to now and then.

I'm quiet, shy and withdrawn.. i don't talk much either. I am easily intimidated as well.

I don't really know who i am. I had a bestfriend through 12-16 yrs old who had a huge influence on me, she made me care so much about my looks, become snobby, care about appearances, put people down and me above everyone. She was really hot and had lots of guy attention... but i never did... and it really confused my self esteem and values. Now I'm just so confused with who my true self is.

Anyway... there's this old primary school friend i knew. She was chubby, goofy, unattractive and a loner. Well we have eachother's Facebook and i see her friends and their not all that either. They seem nice people. She makes me feel its ok to not be the greatest looking and just be yourself. I kinda wish i was apart of their group or knew people like that. It's like i have this longing inside to just have plain looking people (like me) as my friends cos it'd make me feel better not to care about appearance.