I can't stand my mother?

[haky]

Wow, the empty descriptions of family found throughout your question are desperately illusory; compelling me to answer. The circumstances leading to your return 'home" were unfortunate. Decisions made by the only two people living in the home where you now reside WILL have a lasting effect on your psyche. Addressing your personal desires in life will ameliorate deleterious long term negative impact. My most sincere suggestion is to begin reviewing the resources you have personally cultivated during your lifetime. You say in the question that since moving home you no longer have friends. This is the most disturbing phrase written because, unless they all died, there were none to lose. I do not wish to sound harsh as i am not, true friends are rare and becoming more valued as aspects of society devolve. Share information with those you truly hold closest to your heart. The one or two friends you may have at any given time are a stable base to call on when you need to reach out to someone. You have so many fine people in your recent past such as professors and administrators, call or write to them, let them know you are a better person for having known them. And finally, as an aside to 'what to do" stay away from bars, nightclubs, you're very unlikely to find anything more than a cloak with which to mask the issues you wish resolved.