ex text me about 12 year old daughters dirty text messages?

[tinyG]

She's 12...
Sure you may not want to get the police involved because then your daughter will resent you, so don't get them involved straight away. What you need to do is this female created thingy called communication.
Talk to your young underage immature daughter about how what she is doing is wrong, and what the man is doing is illegal. Explain to her why 12 year old'ss aren't supposed to have sex, about how she's young with her life ahead of her and how the man is just taking advantage of her... she's twelve!
Isupposee it is a bit of an awkward situation, and one that should have been stopped before it started but im not blaming you for it. Firstly find out how old the boy/man is, if he is the same age then talk about sex and safe sex and most of all the law. If it is a grown man tell her how it is wrong of him, how he is abusing hernaivetyy and then get the police involved. She may hate you and when she gets older maybe she will rebel more but at leastyou'lll know you protected your daughters innocence from a sick monster.

[TORI! [BAM]]

EASY, take her phone away, and no computer privileges. Have the police trace the phone number.

Do your job, be a parent!

[412]

i think you should take all devices away from her, (facebook, twitter, bebo, texting, etc...). If i were you that is what i would do, if i find out it is a man she doesn't even know, or something like that i would probably not get the police involved, but until you earn her trust back, make her have a curfew, if she goes to a friends house, make sure you know the parents, or even have the child go to your house. if you even want you can have a plan where she can only have calls to and from certiam people and her phone would have a GPS.

i hope you all sort things out, but until then, good luck.

[Heather J]

I think if it were my daughter I would want to know who she is talking to in this way.

Now, it could well be a boy at school in which case the problem isn't huge. Children are curious at this age and although you are mortified at the kind of language being used (and the implication of it) it pretty common. I teach 11 year olds and have overheard some rather shocking conversations in my time.

If it is a school mate/peer then tell her you don't want to embarrass her further but she must think about what is 'appropriate' to talk about. Also, she must realise sending photos of herself in any state of undress is a no no.

On the other hand, what if this is someone she has made contact with via the net? Paedophiles are no more common than they were 50 years ago BUT they do have access to so many more ways to contact children it is scary. Ask her how she knows this person (not who it is as she will clam up more) and if it is a 'stranger' then definitely contact the police.

It sounds to me that she is thoroughtly mortified by the whole thing bthe more she will clam up so rather than an interrogation you are going to have to weedle it out of her.

Finally, confiscate the phone at bedtime, make sure the computer is where you can see it and limit the time she uses these social networks.

[888]

I don't think giving the number to the police was too etreme.
although, as you say, it could just be 'a young lad messing around', how does anyone know that? and also, imo, this goes way beyond 'messing around'.
This kind of incident shows that maybe she isn't 'entitled to her privacy'. Remove access to any social networking site and her phone. facebook, bebo, myspace. Internet eplorer comes with a built in 'site advisor'.Only allow her to be on the computer when you are monitoring her activities, and before she goes anywhere unattended, meet the parents or whoever she is going with.

Children cannot 'do anything' if you successfully remove any possibility of doing this. Make sure she's aware of the dangers of saying these things, even as a joke. Educate her and don't give her privileges back until you feel sure she has gained maturity and your trust back.

Tell the parents of this other child about what he has been texting her and allow them to discipline him. If it's an adult, don't hesitate to get the police involved. Don't back down-this might be very serious.

[207]

whoa gosh i feel embarrassed :/ i didnt find out what 'masturebating' till i was in 7th gr. when i heard a group of boys giggling, and ask what the hell was so funny then they told me. and i asked what does that mean ....

but anyways... this may sound stupid.

but i was watching Dr. Phil on tv and the SAME EXACT thing happened to this young girl . a couple yrs older than your daughter. so she sent a pic of her in her bra and sent it to this boy. then the boy sent it to his friends. and the next day she got teased and was called dirty words. then she told her mom, who told the police. the police then went to the boys house. and they had to track that picture down from person to person so it could be deleted, and b 4 it hit the internet. it was an akward sit. for everyone then the police sat down and had a little "chat" with all the families.

im not saying this will happen to her. but i could.
but i REALLY strongly advise u to find out who this boy is. because it could be a grown man involved with your daughter. and you know how this can turn out!

but maybe it's completely harmless maybe its just flirting but no child should flirt like that!

does she look older than she does. [im 14 but very tall and mature so i look around 16 ,17 yea i know kinda bad]

i KNOW this sounds very..........crazy and she wont go for it but tell her to give you the passwords to all these accounts and you can check it from time to time. this is over protective but i know you dont want her to get hurt or even worse! u dont have to read every single detail but just make sure shes not doing or saying innapropriate stuff and if she does DELETE the account. and she is ONLY 12 years old i could understand if she was like 16.

just dont take chances this world is really messed up and you have to protect her no matter how much she will try to rebell or say i hate u

[Erin L]

She's 12, and she's shown you she can't handle the privilge of a cell phone. I would have a serious talk about how what she's doing is dangerous and she will get herself into serious trouble she is NOT ready for. Take away her cell phone privileges, and she will have to earn them back slowly. Start out with allowing her a cell phone when she's out somewhere specific and will need to call to be picked up from a practice or something. Then move to allowing the cell phone during the day, but you have it at night and charge it. You will also be checking her phone for awhile. She's only 12 and she's shown she needs that kind of monitoring. I wouldn't let her have it at night for a long time, but I wouldn't let my 12 year old have one at night anyway. I understand you think that she'll rebel if you're overprotective, and to some degree I agree, but with big safety issues you draw the line. It's not like you are looking throough her diary. Presumably, you're paying for her phone and going to see the phone records anyway, right? She's breached your trust with the phone and the logical consequences to that is less freedom with the phone.

ETA: Does your daughter know the person texting her? If you don't know who it could be and it could be an older person (a pedophile), give the number to the police. I think if she knows, and will admit to knowing, who it is and it's a boy about her age, I would tell that person if it happens again, you'll call the police.

[lisa]

please correct me if Im wrong but 99% of the time in a family where the parents are split up, the child will draw closer to the one they dont live with (i dont mean she loves one more than the other) Have you tried to broach the situation with her yourself, especially as its had a bit of time to calm down? She may be more inclined to talk to you as long as you approach it in the correct way and dont fly off the handle (as hard as will be not to) If this gets you no-where you should definately think about the next option which would be possibly the police and even calling the phone provider and blocking the number. If it comes to this then you should tell her that your going to ring the police and if this man/boy means anything to her she may decide to co operate, good luck

[Steal My Sunshine.]

Try to look relaxed when you talk to her about this even if you aren't it will put her more at ease. Explain that sending innapropriate pictures of herself to anyone is very dangerous and even if she thinks the pictures will only be seen by the person she might send them to that it is unlikely that person won't show them to anyone else. Make clear that first and foremost you are looking out for her safety. Say to her that if she respects your rules about not sending innapropriate pictures and engaging in inappropriate conversations with people then you and her mum will respect her privacy.

[♥hannah baby♥]

if she was like 15 or somethng i wouldnt say snything, cuz thats what most teens do now a days, but since she is 12 u need to say hey lets go to dq or something and make small talk and bring it up. but dont say anything that ACTUALLY relates to the message, cuz she will just block u out and pretend she is somewhere else, so say something like, um heh sweetie, i dont really care you have aphone or some facebook and stuf, but i just want u to rember that thee r some really sic pervs out here and i dont want ot see u get hurt cuz i luv u and u r my lil girl.
that should take care of that cuz her mom reallyy needs to get a grip and do it herself.
oh and she is 12 and shouldnt even have facebook or twitter, and if it is just a oy from class tehn dont really worry, but if it is a man then defintly get the police, but dont take things to extremes unless neccesary, cuz i sometimes send dirty messages to guyz........ MY age. but mind u it s only for fun, and we dont send porno or anything, just like hy baby, nice as*. lol