Am I losing my best friend?

[Daniel]

I've known him since we were babies,we did everything together as kids,we spent the night at each others houses every Friday,my mom babysitted him,and we went to each others houses after school everyday. But he had to move,and I didn't see him for 3 or 4 years,until I saw him on Facebook,so I added him,and we started hanging out for a few months,but then he just stops talking to me,I haven't talked to him in atleast 4 months,I try to talk to him on Facebook,but he just looks at it,and doesn't reply,the first few weeks I tried to see if he could spend the night,but he said he was busy everytime i asked,then after that he just started ignoring

[Tonya W]

HE HAS MOVED ON....YOU SHOULD MOVE ON AS WELL....IT HAPPENS.

[Andrew]

There are many things to consider like ...

The friendship has become long distance. That tends to put friendships in lock down and certainly results in hearing from friends a lot less or more likely, not at all.

You were thrust together as kids and the friendship you had may have been very dependent on your parents relationship with the other family. He may himself not have sufficient interest, initiative or enthusiasm to forge a friendship with you. Keep in mind that many friends are passive by nature ie. show little or no initiative in the friendship.

You may have come across as too fervent hearted or sent to many messages. Are you sure he's on facebook a lot? I sometimes don't visit facebook for many weeks. Anyway, you may like to give it a break for a while and then try again.

The fourth is that life is a roller coaster ride. He has a new circle of friends and a life brimming over with events. Even if he was a good friend it wouldn't be hard to lose sight of you.

Once the golden days or years spent with a friend are gone it's very difficult to get them back. You may be able to rekindle the friendship to a certain degree but it's highly unlikely you will reach the lofty heights you once visited.

In my many articles on friendship I call this situation fade to black. When this happens to a friendship I care about I try to rekindle the friendship. If my friend remains very passive and I find myself nearly always taking the initiative then I gradually scale back on my efforts. If my friend continues to be unresponsive I may stop all together, leave the ball in his court and walk away (though admittedly I have relented many times, picked up the untouched ball myself and took some initiative with the friend!)

Don't be clingy to friendships that are only likely to continually trouble you. You are far better off in forging friendships with NOW friends. Friends who have room in their life for you and who desire and seek your company.

You may like to adopt my attitude of acceptance. I sometimes 'see' myself on a jetty. I'm drinking white wine with a bunch of my friends. When I see a friendship about to sail off the edge of my life I raise my glass, remember the good times we shared then return to my current friends...