Senior citizens: Is it true relationships with the opposite sex don't work out in your 20's? If so why?

[EviL DoLLs]

I've posted questions here before that alot of you got married young , in your 20's, or alot of relationships failed during that decade. Why is that? Did they work out for you? If yes or no, why?

[M P A]

Many marriages at that age work out and last a lifetime. I was 23, he 24 - married for 46 years. I know some who married younger 18 and 19 and never parted.

If a couple do not feel mature enough to marry then they should wait but most people DO know when the time is right. There is always the possibility of a marriage failing. I've known people split up after retirement so there are no set rules for this just generalisations.

EDIT

By the way, in that particular era people rarely 'had relationships' - they married. There was very little sex before marriage so no cohabiting. It was frowned upon very much and contraception was far from foolproof so most did not dare until married. Once married separation and divorce were also frowned upon so, when problems hit a marriage, they worked hard to sort it out - especially if this happened once they had children. In those days there were very few families consisting of half-siblings. Couples stayed together and weathered the storms of life so that their children had as stable an upbringing as was possible and so all children had the same surname. A person's reputation had a value in those days and it's sad that such is not so now.

[S]

Married at 19 married over 40 years to the SAME man, so yes young marriages can and do last.. Doesn't matter the age. Marriage fail when they fail. They fail for lots of reasons.

[Leroy]

It could be said that the reasons for marrying too young are not conducive to long marriages or the partners are still immature. Over 50% of young marriages end up in divorce. Many of the younger set seem to understand this now and elect to "shack up" together for a few years to see how well they get along and while I was against this years ago, I can see the wisdom in this arraignment now. My first marriage lasted 18 years but we only stayed together that long because of the kids. My second has lasted over 39 but we haven't lived together for the past 4 years, an arraignment that has saved us from divorce. We live near and see one another just about every day and now get along just fine. I guess, no matter what the age, it's a case of different strokes for different folks.

[RachelS165]

My parents married when Dad was 23 and Mom was 21 (I was born 2 years later). They were married for 52 years until Dad died 4 1/2 years ago.

Relationships between 20-somethings DO work out.

[Cal Fuzzyhead]

I was married the first time at age 18 (he was a cradle robber, 24 years old - he had his master of arts degree and I had barely started attending college). The second time, I was 27 and he was the same age. In between those marriages, I had one serious relationship which ended when it became obvious that all he wanted was to play house. I don't regret any of those relationships, but I barely remember them, either. They seem SOOO long ago. There are some people who meet and marry when they're young, and it works out - they have their ups and downs, but they are able to sustain a loving relationship for many years. Just didn't turn out that way for me. I did some really stupid things when I was in my 20s. I did a few smart things too, like keeping a steady job and having a beautiful and smart daughter.

[Expertrat390]

Matrimony is a practical arrangement. Usually a business deal. Frequently focused on providing for offspring. It hardly ever has much to do with "romance."

Young people are more likely than older people to be misled by feelings of "love," etc., and to make impractical choices as a result. They generally do not understand that it is part of ordinary human nature to get fed up with lovers after a period of anywhere between a few weeks to a couple of years.

If they get fed up with their spouse before kids arrive, they can easily cash in their chips and walk away. No harm, no fault.

But if the woman has already succeeded in spawning the little rug rats (it's almost always the woman who wants them most), then the partners are usually shackled together like convicts for fifteen or twenty years, until the rug rats are old enough to join the army or become slave laborers at the local fast food joint or the local car wash--at which point many parents are reminded of how much they have always detested each other, and the divorce rate then goes up again.



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[Ann]

I fell in love at 18 and wanted to marry a boy in my senior class. I hadn't dated much, because my parents didn't allow it. The boy and I had common ideals and interests. My father was insanely jealous and refused to allow me to ever see him again. He even tried to get the boy's father fired from his job and wanted the family out of town. He picked another boy he claimed was a "better fit" for me and strongly encourage me to marry him. It turned out to be a move of pure revenge on my father's part. The boy's father was an alcoholic (I had never been exposed to that lifestyle and was very naive), and the boy turned out to be a "dry alcoholic" with all of the accompanying behaviors. He was very abusive and controlling. This was in the early 1950's, when one didn't go against parents. Because in our church, divorce was looked upon as a mortal sin, I stayed with it for 33 long years. He was also abusive to our children. Finally, in my 50's, I just walked out one day. Amazingly, our two boys were convinced that he was the victim and I had abandoned him. They didn't speak to me for years. Their stance has softened somewhat, but 22 years (and two additional wives later), my ex is still trying to reap revenge. If I had known in my 20's what I now know about life, I would have just left home, not married, and made it on my own. I would rather have starved to death than to go through that again. I couldn't even defend the children, because he controlled the bank account, the telephone, and the mailbox. I didn't know about CPS, and there were people at church whom I thought were friends until I went through a divorce. They still turn their backs or go across the street when they see me.

[Dick]

I can only guess is that it has to do with maturity. My own kids didn't start acting like adults until they were in their 40s. That would be my choice for the minimum age for marriage.

[Quietpot679]

Age is not a guarantee that a relationship is going to work. Only time will tell.
Many people move too fast when young and don't get to know each other properly before they marry. Many also expect perfection. They watch too many soaps and expect real life to be the same.