I'm relapsing after leaving a bad relationship. Please help me.?

[Jacob]

I was once in a very bad relationship. It was all one way, she was a liar, a cheater and a manipulator to the point where a trusted friend called it an emotional abusive relationship. It took me a long time to realise this or admit it, I still don’t know which one even today, and say goodbye to her. I cut her out of my life, burned and deleted photos, deleted number , blocking her from all forms of social media. Everything. And I was happy. It was hard for the first few days but I felt light. I felt as if I didn’t have this thing weighing me down. I was happy. I became more productive, my family life improved, i was less angry and frustrated, my schoolwork improve. My life had turned around. Even when I ran into her at the shops, it was fine. I wasn’t heartbroken or felt anything. I just asked how she was saying then left, needing to be somewhere else. And I loved that. I loved not only getting drawn back but the fact that I was the one walking away leaving her behind. That was three months ago and since then things have changed.
It started off when I dreamt my best mate was having sex with her and I was so angry with him for dragging her back into my life. And I know it was just a dream but since then, she’s all I can think about. I’m feeling heartbroken, I want to see her, I want to be with her. After the dream I ran into her again. And it wasn't like the other times. I wanted to keep talking, and I felt heartbroken when she left. She was the one that ended that conversation just leaving me like she used to feeling sick. I felt sick after that. I’ve regressive, I’m at square one again.

And the one person who I can open to, I’m afraid to tell her this. She has helped me so much in the year that we’ve known each other. She was the one that pushed me to say goodbye, the one that helped me with my family, who gave me a direction that I want to follow in life and I don’t want to disappoint her. I don’t want to be that boy again who she sat down with after class and said “you need someone to listen. What’s wrong?”.

And it’s so much worse because I came through the other side. I’ve tasted freedom, I was happy and I’m being dragged back. And I don’t want to be, I’ve been there I don’t want to go back. I’m tired. I’ve been through this, I’ve suffered, I’ve been heartbroken and I don’t want to do this. It just seems that no matter what I do, she's always got control of me. I just want to be happy. I’m just tired. Please help.

[sasha1614]

This feeling you have is love & is not love at the same time. I say that because this girl doesnt truly care for you and with you even being aware of this you still love her because you are that great guy shes missing out on. Trust me i had a friend like this. Shes only tearing you apart rather & you need to find someone else worth your love. Fight even harder to get over than you did before. Meet new people, go out more, just KEEP YOURSELF OCCUPIED. Having any contact with her will only make you seem weak & make matters much worse. I believe in you, just like my friend. He went through the same thing not too long ago but hes now happier than ever now that hes over his ex. Its normal if you have thoughts about her every now and again (not that you can control it) but if you go out and live your life without her i guarantee you will more happier & healthier. Whatever you do, DO NOT contact her & please limit talking to her to a minimum or not at all if you see her in person. G.L