I need help, any advice?

[Chaz]

Hi Jackson. So much intensity in what you share here, so much hurt and so much emotion, all from deep within your soul. Your words betray the very hurt you speak of, for indeed your thoughts and perceptions are very real to you. But as an onlooker, seeing your predicament from a diffferent angle and perspective, I think there are many aspects of your life where you still have choices.

My gut feeling is that it's not just one thing that drives your depression, or the low value you place in yourself. You'll be smack in the middle of puberty, that stage in any teenager's life which can mess with everything they thought they knew and understood. You'll also have needs to be wanted and liked, especially by those you interact with and you'll want to be seen as being one of a group, rather than a loner. All these things might be driving your depression, but they might also be driving you into being the victim of your own circumstance.

I say this kindly, because we can all be victims when life gets sh1tty and when things just don't go our way. But victims, real victims of crime or badness, have one of two choices. They either get up and face the fear imposed upon them, or they quivver and hide, never able to face the world in the same light again.
I suggest that you are a decent guy, likely even a diamond guy, who has yet to find himself before others find him. Crikey mate, you are not yet 16 and yet you despair of not having a gf. Maybe in your neck of the woods it's the done thing to have one, but in the bigger scheme of things, you still have your whole life in front of you and you still have the world as your oyster.

I think you need to up your game. The guy that wrote this question is likely a magic guy, one who has the potential to add colour and good to this world. Don't allow a stage in your life to destroy your potential or your true destiny, for that has not yet been written and is still open for the decisions and choices you make, maybe with fate and luck thrown in for good measure. I say this to you now because I understand that what you say is very real for you, but in reality is just but a passing time in your young life. Learn from this now and bide your time for a while, for when you are slightly older you will be wiser and when you are wiser, you will be stronger and more confident.

Meanwhile, start to love the guy that you are, because no one is going to love a guy who hates himself. And that depression? Find some comfort and space in the magic of music. Search YouTube, then search for your kind of music. The choice is vast and you can loose yourself in utter amazing sounds that can and will help change how you see your young life. Remember the world is beautiful, but made more beautiful by what each of us put into it. It is waiting for the day you can embrace that.
When you get to YuoTube, find this. Beautiful Chillout Lounge Mix Del Mar - The Costa Rica Edition 2013

[Dei bellator]

I know what it's like to be depressed. It's a hell unto itself, especially when your parents don't get it. My mom thought I could just wish it all away and my dad said I was reading too many psychology books. And for the record, I've had no luck with the opposite sex either.

BUT. There's something you should know. You need God. No kidding. I know you're atheist and I can probably guess why. But I'll tell you that from the Christian side of the fence, God really is the solution. I went to my parents, I went to my friends, and I even sought professional help. But my parents didn't understand, my friends couldn't physically be there, and my psychologist thought I had social anxiety and then tried to force all these social events on me. It's God who saved me. Talking to him and reading his Word brought the greatest relief. Before my depression, I didn't pick up the Bible much. During it, I couldn't stop reading. Sure, you're atheist. God doesn't exist, he can't help, yada, yada, yada. Allow me to say that you're dead wrong. He cares so much about you. Just give him a chance.