Do we stand a chance?

[Jenny]

Hi. I am a 28 year old female with a long distance relationship problem. I'm sorry if this is too long. I really need help.

A few years ago I fell in love with one of my best guy friends. He liked me first but i didn't like him. After a short while I did develop feelings for him. We hung out more until I admitted my feelings for him. I fell in love with him. We were crazy about each and things seemed great between us. We discussed marriage and children and a whole life together. For the first time in my life I felt happy. I felt a strong deep connection with my best friend..
Soon after that I found out that I had to leave the country for work reasons. I would be gone for a year. He told me he could not keep a long distance relationship because it was too difficult to maintain. He said he needed me to be there physically for him to have a relationship with him. He told me not to come visit him or see him in the months preceding my leaving. He didn't call me nor did he come to say goodbye at the airport. I called him. I made all the calls. Before I left I called him from the plane. Crying because I wanted to talk to him and see him. Crying because I felt hurt that he hadn't come to say goodbye. Crying because I loved him and was going to miss him.
When I got to my destination and had settled down I emailed him. We spoke via mail for a while because it was very expensive to call. He begged me to get a social media app so that we could keep in touch at a low cost. I did. We spoke on it from time to time, and sometimes he would tell me he missed me and that he loved and I was important to him. But he never really kept in touch or replied to my messages. He hardly ever spoke to me, while I would send him messages telling him about my life here and making sure he knew he was always on my mind. He wouldnt reply for weeks and weeks. He always had an excuse as to why he didn't talk to me. He was at work. His phone had technical problems. He was busy. I asked if I could call him. He would always say he was busy. He told me not to call him at home. I obviously got upset. I know he had said he didn't want a relationship because he couldn't handle the distance, but in my heart I felt that if he was feeling the same way as me we could make it work. I would get mad when he wouldn't keep in touch or reply. I'd tell him he was not a good boyfriend. He would get angry too and say he was not my boyfriend and I wasn't his girlfriend. I know he had not wanted this. it still hurt like hell, though. I told him I felt neglected. He would tell me that me feeling abandoned or neglected was my own problem and that I had to deal with it. After these arguments I would always apologize to him and things would calm down. To him, he was never at fault and I just took the blame for our arguments just so he would talk to me. Things would calm down and sometimes he would be nice. But he just generally never replied to anything I asked him. I would send him messages telling him about problems in my life hoping he would comfort me. He would never reply or check if I was ok. He was never there to support me when I needed him but when he was feeling depressed about his life about a year ago I didn't leave him in the lurch. I was there for him and encouraged him to think positively and checked on him every free moment I had. When I had a problem with a colleague harassing me he didn't even bother to ask if I was ok. I had to deal with my trauma on my own. He didn't even call to check if I had been hurt or if I had reported it to the authorities. He never followed up on what happened.
I also feel hurt about all this because he tells me he's too busy and can't talk. But I've seen him on Twitter and Facebook telling his friends how much he misses them even though he sees them every weekend. He replies to every tweet and comment. He tells them he loves them. he goes out with them despite claiming to have no money.
I went away for 2 years; I had to stay on and finish a company project. i came back home and he hasnt kept in touch much. I havent seen him. he didnt call on my birthday. He says i have changed. i know now i was wrong to nag him, but I missed him so much. now I love him and hate him. I want him to acknowledge the fact that he hurt me. I am not happy with how he has treated me. I feel like I can't trust him to offer me emotional support. How do I know he won't abandon me or our potential family when we need him the most? I just feel hurt and depressed about everything. I loved him so much. He was my best friend. I don't know what's happened.

[Chicken Girl]

I am so sorry! That sounds like an awful situation to be in. To me it almost sounds as if he was really hurt that you left the country, that you left him. To make you hurt as bad as he was hurting, or maybe just to isolate himself so he wouldn't get hurt just by thinking of you, he avoided you. It sounds as if he is trying to move on now. I honestly don't really understand what his deal is, but sometimes it helps to think of the situation from their perspective. He might just be a complete jerk. I can't really judge because I don't know what he's going through either, but I hope everything works out for the best for you! Peace be with you!