Found out today my boyfriend of a year likely cheated on me. Devastated and need to end this. Help me out?

[dfsoo]

Sadly, today I think I have finally realized my boyfriend is the complete piece of **** I could only imagine he could be. He's been going through depression and substance abuse problems for the past year. I was initially naive to all of these issues, but once they surfaced I stayed with him and supported him through the rough times.

About a month ago, he said he needed to go on a break to sort himself out, since our relationship was suffering due to his unstable mental state. We agreed to not see anyone else during this time and reconciled (foolishly) about two weeks later, despite everyone in my life telling me to move on and find someone better.

Recently he's been pretty up and down, but has been finally seeing a psychiatrist and trying out new medications. He's been acting a bit strangely - always on his phone, checking it compulsively, never leaving it alone for a second. I ignored it at first, but after a while the curiosity got the best of me.

I did one of the worst things someone can do to their SO; I snooped through his phone while he was in the shower this morning. I am deeply ashamed of this, and never thought I'd be in a relationship where I would feel the need to do that. There were a bunch of texts from numbers with no names. I opened one and it was a girl explaining that she was sorry but she just didn't have time to date right now, and he responded with an unhappy face. My heart instantly sunk into my stomach and I scrolled back deeper into the conversation.

I found out that he met this girl on tinder and has been messaging her to hang out for a few weeks. I am seriously baffled. How he thought I wouldn't find out he has a tinder? Or what if one of my friends saw him out with this girl? We live in the same area. I spend time with his friends and roommate regularly. The lack of regard for my feelings and potential public embarrassment is shocking. I've always been loving and supportive. I have my **** together, and I've always been great to his friends and family. Why would he do this to me? The fact that this all happened on tinder somehow makes me feel worse. If he was having an affair with and ex or someone from his past, it would also be terrible, but I could understand how someone could get dragged back in. BUT NO. This is a case of him actively seeking out someone else to ****.

When he came back in the room I panicked. I'm leaving on a work trip tomorrow, and I knew I couldn't let this lie. Thankfully I came up with the somewhat clever idea of confronting him and telling him that a friend of mine came across his tinder and informed me of the situation. I knew if I told him I looked through his phone, he'd find a way to turn it on me. Unfortunately, he is much more manipulative than I am. He said he was messing around on tinder with one of his guy friends, and they probably accidentally logged in with his facebook instead of theirs. This would be a probable situation, except that in his conversation with this girl he said he deleted HIS profile and she sent over a funny photo from HIS profile (that he must have actively created, not to mention that they must have spent enough time on tinder for him to get her number). I kept a calm face and nodded along with he continued to explain... After he continued on with this story, I decided to give him another opportunity to tell me the truth. I said I could often sense that he might not want a girlfriend at this point in his life (majority of his friends are 25 year old bros seeking one hook up after another). I asked him if he still wanted to be in this relationship, and that he could be completely open. That I wouldn't get upset or angry. I just need to know whether I should be in this situation. He said yes and did and why would I 'sense' that? I pretty much just dropped it at that point.

Now I'm sitting here and I have no idea what to do. Beyond the potential cheating, I now know he has no problem lying to me. I feel sick. How do I tell him I know? How do I end this? How will I ever trust someone again? I never ever thought he would hurt me like this.

[Kevin]

Y'all were only together a year.. Let him go. He's got other shit going on. Or, you can wait around for him to use you. Your choice.

[Mich]

Why are you surprised? A boyfriend is just that, there is no commitment there, no reason to be faithful to you or you to him. Women are foolish about relationships like that. He has NO moral obligation to not be screwing 10 other women if he wants, because he is not married....he does not have a commitment to you...how difficult is that to understand? You allowed yourself to be used. learn to have high standards, dont be a unpaid whore for some guy to hump until he finds another woman....just let go and learn from this. Do NOT go get involved with another guy until you have a spine and know how to use it.

[Mircat]

Why is this in the marriage and divorce section. He's your boyfriend not your husband.

How do you tell him? Who said you had to tell him. Pack your bags and leave. Take everything that is yours with the thought that you will not be coming back so anything you forget is gone for good. Block him on all media and start over. That's how. How do you trust? Set higher standards for future boyfriends that don't have mental issues and drug issues.

[Nancy M]

There isn't much of anything that you can do but let him know what you did. He will most likely get mad but if you feel that he is cheating on you then you need to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. It sounds like he is lying and cheating on you. I am married to a liar and I never know what to believe anymore.

[RobertRay]

You already know what you need to do so just do it. It's as simple as saying that it's not working out and you want to break up. You don't need to tell him about what you found unless you really want to.

When it gets to the point where you feel you need to snoop through someone's phone, it's time to go whether you find anything or not, but this time your suspicions were warranted.

This is why we date someone long enough before we decide to marry. You simply found out that this one wasn't worth it so move on and don't punish the next guy for what this one did. There is no reason not to trust someone new and once they give you a reason not to, don't turn a blind eye to it.

[Tartersauce]

I'd just tell him that you made a mistake and shouldn't have gotten back together. He's in a horrible place in his life, so keep this in mind for the future. A guy with tons of issues is going to have a very hard time being a decent partner.

Good luck.

[Kurt]

Singles and Dating is over there - - - - - - - >

[john]

You're looking for reasons to stay with him when you know you shouldn't. Let him go like you know you should.

[CRAZY]

When someone says, they need a break, or sort something out. Its usually over. And the break is going on another date with someone else. Yes! move one. Its called dateing. He was not a good egg, Think he had a crack.