Im 16 and lesbian in the closet... I REALLY need someone to talk to cuz NOBODY knows that im lesbian... :(?

[iLikeHeroes]

Im 16 and lesbian in the closet. I used to think that I'm straight and when i was 12 (7th grade) , I fell in deep love with a boy for 2 and a half years. Unfortunately he broke my heart and i cried every single night for two years. It was the worst feeling i ever witnessed in my life! So the next year he left the school (when i was in 8th grade). I thought of committing suicide because i couldn't bear the pain at that time. But then a new girl come into my class and she was really cute and hot. So I got interested and I got friends with her. As time went by, we became best friends and she was really caring and a little touchy (but not in the boobs, pussy or anything pervert). She held my hands, she stood really close to me (almost like hugging near), lied her hands on my thighs during class, always smiling and laughing, and she even requested relationship on facebook (i accepted her), back hugs while waiting in the line cafeteria and she even kissed me once etc. I felt suspicious, i thought she was lesbianish but i wasnt sure. We talked about our boyfriends and how they hurt us and we both cried lol. The next thing i knew was I felt in love with her, I started to smile and think of her before i slept instead of crying. I was really happy. But as time went by she changed by bit by bit. She started putting make-ups, wear hot clothes and take pictures everyday and upload on fb. She became beautiful everyday but she started to smoke and drink. She talked about it. I was deeply in love with her. So I began to question my sexuality. She then became really slutty-ish and she stopped being interested in me because she met another girl in her class and she was damn hot and social and pretty-ish. So she basically changed her and she stopped talking to me and she started to look really really different. and so i was heartbroken. i took lesbian tests (internet), the results says im lesbian and bi. She is now moved to another country and i fell in another girl while i was feeling really hurt and she also healed me. The new girl was really beautiful but not so hot but truly attractive to boys and girlzz. But she also hurted me and now i have a crush on a different girl and the recent girl started flirting with her.
So anyways i never told ANYONE about my sexuality and falling in love hopelessly and so stupidly after another. I really can't take it anymore because i started to think about girls and their body and I CANT STOP!! i really dnt like being lesbian and all. But i wanna tell someone, but every single things in my life is at RISK!! I feel like im gonna explode!!! I wanna tell people and stop falling in stupid, hopeless nd heartbreaking love again! Why are girls so beautiful??!!?!? At first i hated being lesbian and i wanted to deny it so bad but i cudnt change anything.
PLEASE I NEED SOMEONE TO ANSWER AND TALK ABOUT IT!!!
P.S. and i also want gay or lesbian or bi friends to know what it feels like to be... u noe... this (im kinda upset at myself)

[IOLANDA]

How bout if you befriends w/ gay men then bit by bit the two of you will well sort of fallen deeply in-love? But it will take time.

[Zoey]

Ok first let me tell you, in that picture u look REALLY cute and I know exactly how u feel, I liked this girl before and I wanted to be with her but then I found out that she was against lesbian/gays and it hurt me a lot and I don't tell people my sexuality either and it's hard I know but if u want u can email me I'm not mean

[Silence]

Well it's always nice to know more of yourself. Anyway as for wanting to tell someone, uhm first, how homophobic is the area where you live? If you are not sure about such I would be wary when trying to brush upon such a topic for in some cases ,for people, if they knew their friend was into the same sex they would rather break off the friendship completely than to just accept or at least are unable to see their friend the same way while in a more friendly case, there are also people whom don't care and will see you as the same person they became friends with. If anything you could always ask, "Hello, I am curious but what are your views upon homosexuals? "Or rather " Wow, did you hear about the the president of the United States of America actually supports gay people? " Take note of their first expressions for we tend to show the true feelings we have upon the topic before we relax and calm down a bit,anyway so you can get a better uh assumption to how they think of such before you risk telling them everything and possibly get denied. As for telling friends you have already, I find that sitting down with them, in a place that isn't so crowded,secluded/private, would be a good time to tell them for be it they may give a bad reaction at least nobody else will see it or rather you can talk it out much more than say if it were a crowded place in which they, as in your friend,could seek a different topic that isn't bothersome to them as a distraction and abruptly end your meeting with them. Also since there are less distractions you are more likely able to say what you want to say to them and(!) going back to the it being private, if they are angered, since there are less distractions, less to no people in which they can run to to go back to their comfort zone, they will more than likely,with some time, as they cool off, be able to realize that it isn't so bad, that how they reacted was a bit much and unnecessary.

As for your last sentence there is no reason to be upset with yourself. If you keep beating yourself down it will just make it seem like life is just getting worse for you. Best of luck to you! I hope everything turns out swell for you and all, take care! Once again best of luck and take care!