Feel like an idiot, help me!?

[Patrick]

I've never been one to give up or stop trying no matter what but today I feel heartbroken and hurt so much.

The person I fell for has literally kicked my in my balls so hard it feels like I want to die inside. We got to now each other so well, or so it seemed! She knows everything there is to know about me, we became so close. Been out a few times and things carried on.

She didn't reply to my text which was "heyyy, hope you had a better day today xxx" cause yesterday she was really stressed about her car. This was about 6 hours ago, and she's the type of person who replies in seconds. So I thought something was wrong but didn't want to keep on at her so I just left it. Anyway, i pop on to twitter and she's having a full on rage about people in general, how she hates everyone and all that. Then I go onto facebook and she's like "finding someone is the hardest thing ever". It's like HELLLLO i am here! I've been here the whole time, every time she has a bad day I've been there, when she's been crying at night and phoned me at 3 in the morning i stayed up and spoke to her for hours. It's literally killed me. How can you forget about me like this? Why even say it?

It feels like the lowest point because i just know it's aimmed in my direction. I've been nothing but nice. I'm not being big headed or anything but I'm literally too kind, if that's possible. but know I feel like an idiot, what have i done to deserve this. feels like i'll never be good for anyone.

what do i do.

[dancer(:]

well since youve always been there maybe she just feels bad always complaining and venting to you. i feel that way about other people that i vent to.

[James W.]

You are being too hard on yourself. Girls who don't have love for God in their hearts are hard to figure out.

It' not going to be easy, but my first suggestion is that you forget about this girl because it doesn't sound like she's a hard working woman with Godly character. Unfortunately this type of girl is difficult to find – but please don’t settle for less.

My second suggestion is that you put in the time and effort required to become the type of person that God wants you to date (a keeper) before dating anyone else.

"You’ve probably heard the expression “He’s a keeper” or “She’s a keeper”, which means that a person has valuable qualities that a person would want in a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife.
From a Christian perspective, may I suggest that a keeper is a strong Christian, someone who keeps:
- their Christian faith strong through daily prayer, and regular Bible study/church
attendance
- trusting in Christ alone for their salvation and for their daily needs
- trusting God when the storms of life hit (problems, tragedies, etc.)
- God in mind when making any important decision - In other words, they seek God’s will for their lives.
- trying to obey the two greatest commandments, “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” and “love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark, chapter 12, verses 28-31)
- trying to grow throughout their life (spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and intellectually)
- trying to display the fruits of the Holy Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control
- a group of Christian friends
- trying to control their tongue
- a positive attitude (cheerful, enthusiastic, looks on the bright side of things)
- themselves sexually pure from this day forward
- forgiving others
- in mind how much God loves them regardless of what they have done

If a keeper decides to get married, they are someone who keeps:

- trying to meet the needs of their spouse
- trying to communicate their needs to their spouse in a constructive positive
manner
- trying to treat their spouse with a high level of concern and respect in both words and actions - regardless of what they receive in return from their spouse
- their lifetime commitment to their spouse

In order to become a keeper, first of all, if you’re not already, you need to become a Christian. Please read the short book "More than a Carpenter" by Josh McDowell or “No Argument for God” by John Wilkinson to find out if Christianity is the truth or if it's baloney (Mr. Wilkinson says that some things in Christianity don't make logical sense and require a step of faith.).

If you decide to become a Christian, here are some suggestions of how to go about developing your relationship with God: 1. Get yourself a good Bible that is written for your age group. 2. Read it every other day at the least - start out in John and move to other books that talk about daily living and love - such as Proverbs, 1 Corinthians, etc. 3. Spend time in prayer daily including praising God; thanking God for all of your blessings; confessing your sins of thought, word, and deed; asking God to forgive your sins; asking God for help forgiving other people; asking God for wisdom to make good decisions that are pleasing to Him; asking God for strength to live your life each day the way he wants you to; sharing things with Him that are bothering or worrying you; and praying for other people.

So the first step toward finding the type of person that God wants you to date and possibly marry is for you to take the time to become the type of person that God wants you to date.

The second step is to prepare yourself for dating and marriage by reading some good books from a Christian perspective about dating and marriage. The appendixes of Straight Talk About Dating and Straight Talk About Teen Dating contain a list of highly recommended books.

After the second step has been accomplished, the next step is to participate in as many activities as possible with other people who are strong Christians. Sunday School class, church youth group or young adult group meetings and activities, church events, activities of a Christian organization, service projects, mission trips, Bible studies, etc., can all be great opportunities to get to know the type of people that God wants you to date without actually dating.

It’s not going to be easy, but patience, perseverance, prayer, and participation in activities with other strong Christians will make it more likely that you will eventually find a person with whom you can have a lifelong loving Christian marriage."

(Please remember that you want a 40, 50, or 60 year marriage - not a 5 or 10 year marriage.)

Hope this helps!

[Miles]

What do you do? Forget about her and move on. She used you when she "needed" someone to rant to. I think you should ignore her and cut off all contact with her. If she tries to reach out, be distant. Don't let people step over you just because you're too nice. She has issues with people, in general. Who the hell hates EVERYONE? Only people who are drama queens/kings.

[rocknrollcrazy]

First, you shouldn't feel so bad. Though you think it's directed at you, it's probably not, unless she mentions your name or nickname. It seems like even though you talk to her a lot, you haven't shown that you like her yet. You're not in the friend zone, you just have to make the right moves.
1) Flirt... not too much, otherwise you'll sound like a creep. But flirting once in awhile is okay.
2) Compliment her. If she complains about something, just be there for her and agree to whatever she's saying as long as you agree with her.
3) If you have the courage, confess. Sure, if she says no, you shouldn't feel bad. because there's many more girls out there. But if she likes you back, she'll say yes.
4) Find a mutual friend.... and maybe they can help her know that you're the right guy for her.

[Cookie]

the best thing to do for yourself so youll have closure is to talk it out with her. tell her how you feel and ask her why shes being an idiot(not literally of course but u know what i mean). that way atleast you said everything you had to say and you wont keep hurting as much

[Cam]

Patrick, Patrick, PATRICK! You are NOT an idiot. Got that? Not. Kind people--which you clearly r--often feel that way because the rest of humanity is always ready to exploit them. So The Kind Ones feel like idiots and they feel like they're too kind.

You were too kind in one instance. I mean, 3-in-the-freakin-morning? Yes, she was crying, but kind people like you need to set boundaries: "Okay, sweet heart, we've been talking half an hour. I want you to get some sleep. I want to talk to you first thing in the morning about this." To keep you up hours? Abuse.. Abuse!

The Facebook thing: How do you know that what she was saying was 'finding some is the hardest thing ever BUT I FOUND PATRICK. OK, i can see by your expression you don't think that's a possibility.

Well, my friend, then that can mean only one thing: she's using you. You're kind, you listen (3am!) you're a friend, but she's looking for that someone else. In short, she's not valuing your friendship.

My sense is that this is a selfish girl. Sure, as the guys suggest, talk it out w/her. Facebook, all of it. But you must put up boundaries in this relationship. Look how bad u feel now. If u let her further into your life u risk a broken heart. What I'm saying, to put it bluntly is...she doesn't deserve you.

And as you'll "never be good for anyone." Patrick, please, that is ridiculous. Yes, you're hurting now, but take something away from this relationship, learn from it. Boundaries are important . Don't let someone come waltzing along and take your kindness from u. You're clearly a goodnatured, giving person who has a lot to offer anyone.

Those are great qualities and rare. Don't give them away to those who don't appreciate them. Fully.

[Donna Martina]

kick her in the c*nt and MOVE ON