What are funny sayings to put on twitter?

[madison]

I need funny stuff not bad stuff tho.

[100%]

Just say i'm pretty

[cooingdress011]

If you drink coffee:
"With all this coffee...I could rule the world!"

[Jonathan Huie]

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
- Yogi Berra

Only dead fish swim with the stream.
- Anonymous

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Get the facts first. You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.
- Benjamin Franklin

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
- Mark Twain