We are trying to locate a birthmother considering adoption for her child.?

[Kathy]

We have placed newspaper ads, have our own website and networked on adoption social networks. Does anybody have any other ideas as to what we can do?

[Sarah]

foster care
they can place you with an infant
if thats what you want

[sunny]

How can she be a "birth" mother if she hasn't given birth? A what would that make you? An infertile hopeful mother?

Why do you have to hunt *so hard* to find a baby to adopt? Isn't it obvious that there are FAR more people who WANT babies than there are women desperate enough to part with them? Doesn't it seem morally wrong to create a DEMAND for infants?

My advice to you is to look into foster care where children actually NEED parents (babies need their actual MOTHERS) or accept your situation and move on.

[Pip]

So what does that make you? An unbirth mother?

A mother is a mother, a mother who hasn't given birth is an expectant mother and only gets labelled with the offensive term after the adoption is finalized.

Why not do as others have suggested and adopt from foster care as these children deserve a loving home?

Whilst I appreciate there are mothers who really don't want to parent I really do dislike infant adoption and it should only ever be a last resort.

[Vanessa]

I think orphanages or foster care would be a good route to go. There are plenty of children in either of these two places, who need a family and a home.

[smarmy]

No

[H******]

No. But I see you're already stalking the adolescent section.

[Carol c]

Trolling here for a baby is very uncool.

[skinnybean677]

I’m sorry many of this ways are quite tacky. Shame on you. There are plenty of children of all ages (yes even some babys/infants) in need of homes and parents in you local foster care system. That is where you need to be going not posting some cheap ad in the paper hoping some poor pregnant girl will see it. I’m sorry its time we start putting the children first and that means adopting from foster care.

[7rin]

Yes, get involved with foster care and help a kid who actually needs help, instead of waiting for the first woman's womb-wet crotch-dropping you can catch in your keep net.

I was abandoned to adoption at 7mths old, and would like to give you a word of caution - not to put you off being willing to help a child who honestly and truly needs help, but to make you aware that adoption isn't always the rainbow farting unicorns as depicted in the media.

I honestly and truly wish that I'd been aborted instead of abandoned to adoption, so please be prepared for the fact that any kid you adopt could grow up (I'm 37, so definitely and legally a "grown up" in pretty much everywhere) to be as screwed up as me.

I didn't have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen... but if I'd been able to choose, I'd've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, 'cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I've gone through would've been over in minutes, instead of the decades I've been suffering for now.

I've been in reunion with my bfam for a while now, and even that's proving to be completely agonising.

Taken from Nancy Verrier's book, Coming Home to Self: http://www.nancyverrier.com/self_book.php


For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn't understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)


Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That's why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child's greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)


It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn't as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you're not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun."
(pg 117)


Please read back through a few months worth of resolved questions in here http://7rin-on-adoption.dreamwidth.org/t...ed+reading

Comprehend that lot, and you'll be about ready to adopt.