What should I do after my husband cheated?

[Flowers25]

We have been married for 8yrs+have a 6yr old child together.We have always been very much in love+happy however we had both not been spendin any time together+got busy in our lives,work 4the past year or so.I was v busy last year due 2work+was doing extremely long hours+not really seeing my hubby. Then last summer I found out my husband had accepted a friend request on facebook from a woman he did not know (who lives far away from us).She had been calling him from June after getting his mobile number from facebook. I then found call records where he had been calling her also from about mid July until Oct(when i found out) as it cost her more 2call+was cheaper 4my husband 2call. The calls were at different times during the day and would typically start from 9am and there would be a few calls in the morning afternoon+some night time, a few calls lasting an hour the next 20 minutes etc.Sometimes they were less+sometimes alot. He stated that she would talk about her life and family and ask my husband about his and he would reply. He has never even looked at other women and never done anything like this before and stated that he was depressed (we both were due to other issues in our extended family), lonely due to me working, (I did nag and shout at him alot) and that is why he let her call him and had long conversations with her. He stated the calls were innocent apart from her complimenting his photos etc. She asked him if she could call him sometimes and he told her he didnt mind. (She's married and has 4 kids but her husband works abroad). She started telling him he was gorgeous etc and she told him in June she was in love with him. He did not say it back and laughed it off. She then invited him to a friends wedding (my husband was going to visit his parents in a diff town which is about 4 hrs drive from where she lives, she knew he was going to be visiting near where she lives). He then told her he would try to come to the invitation. She then asked him whether they would do 'anything' meaning sex and my husband replied "i'll see" which he now regrets. He said he has never spoken to women before like this and thought it was just meaningless time pass banter on the phone. Except then he went to the invitation with a friend and she came and met him at the hotel he was meant to be staying at. They met in the room alone and he grabbed a condom from his friend. (His reasoning was that he had come this far and that she had come all this way to meet him and they had been talking for about 4 months and she had already said about having sex so he thought he would do it). He states that she kissed him on the cheek and then the lips and said quick quick im in a rush and he replied ok take your clothes off. He then slept with her and stated he used a condom and as soon as he knew he was about to reach orgasm he withdrew from her and finished away from her. He stated that he just did not want to ejaculate inside her- she wasnt his wife he didnt love her. After he had a shower and scrubbed himself and regretted it. She hugged him and told him it was incredible and he replied it was ok. She then said love u and he replied love u too and stated that he did not mean it and just said it in response to her. He then sw her briefly at the function for about half an hour and the following day she called him to give some items for a relative of hers that lives near us and that was it. He did not see her again and left the city a week later. He called her only 4 times when he came back (until i found out a month later) and had sent her a i love u sms which he also sent to me altho he stated he done this because he wanted to finish all contact with her but nicely so she didnt message me. He told me everything of the above himself and did not even hide what he had been saying etc. He did not need to tell me all of the above.
Since i found out my husband has cried for forgiveness, shown me alot of love, brought me lots and lots of gifts, flowers everyday, tattoed my name on him, told me he regrets it and will kill himself if i leave as he cannot live without me, sends me romantic songs and messages, has taken me on holiday, apologises daily, has started praying, wants another baby and states that he will keep me like a princess. He stays up all night with me discussing our marriage, the reasons behind why it happened and telling me how much i mean to him. (He has not contacted her since- he did not know i had access to all his call history and she even sent him messages via facebook saying she was so in love with him and cant stop thinking about him). He did not reply and showed me. He closed his facebook account and changed his number the next day.
DO I FORGIVE HIM???? as he is trying so so so hard, whatever i ask he does. I do still love him and would like to work it out. Pls help.

[hotlavaflows2u]

Are you insane?
Your whole post sounds like your husband'e excuse of why his dick fell into another woman's vagina!
They are both to blame...
First of all...it started as an emotional affair!
Then it eventually led to something physical!!!
How can you believe this cheating man you call your husband???
Nobody told him to give her his number or put a gun to his head and forced him to call her DAILY!!!!
Stop buying his excuses and get rid of him!
He will do it worst next time and he sounds like a big bag of excuses and lies!

Taking him back will only show him that it's okay to cheat on you and lie to you!
Take a firm stand and make him prove himself for at least 6 months to a year and do not let him live in the same house as you!!!!

Do not allow yourself to be used over and over!
Have some respect for yourself!

[Warren]

Honey your story is much too long, anyway you should be seeking advice elsewhere not the internet

[Maria S]

Let's say you do forgive him...are you going to stop nagging/ignoring/yelling at him?

If you have no intentions of changing, then you should end this marriage.

[b]

(Since i found out my husband has cried for forgiveness, shown me allot of love, brought me lots and lots of gifts, flowers everyday, tattoed my name on him, told me he regrets it and will kill himself if i leave as he cannot live without me, sends me romantic songs and messages, has taken me on holiday, apologises daily, has started praying, wants another baby and states that he will keep me like a princess. He stays up all night with me discussing our marriage, the reasons behind why it happened and telling me how much i mean to him. (He has not contacted her since- he did not know i had access to all his call history and she even sent him messages via facebook saying she was so in love with him and cant stop thinking about him). He did not reply and showed me. He closed his facebook account and changed his number the next day.)

All huge red flags, he can not be trusted and would still be continuing this relationship had you not caught him. He will pick this up right where it left off as soon as you forgive him and yes you will catch hi again in about 6 months and you will be right back here wondering how to handle it.

I could write 5 paragraphs about how your life has been and the exact way it will go in the future with this man if you forgive him. He is acting like a typical cheating husband and he my dear is a dime a dozen.

[Joe]

Not the broad answer you want, but seriously watch out for STDs with a cheating partner. It got my aunt killed. My uncle was a ladies man and contracted some really bad stuff. My aunt got cancer as a result of a STD.

I have had first hand experience with the cheating lover, STD thing. Nothing permanent thankfully. For my aunt it was lethal.

[.]

I stopped reading when you said that he responded 'I'll see' to a question on whether he'd cheat...really? Why is he hanging out with other girls knowing that one thing can lead to another? How would he feel if you were talking all day to a guy you have a crush on and fantasizing about him?

You may want to forgive him, idk your situation. Maybe you feel like it was a one time thing because he was lonely and away. But that situation can happen again so there's no guarantee he won't deal with being "lonely" the same way.

If I were you I wouldn't forgive cheating. It's hard to trust him, wondering about his "long hours" and whether he is really with someone else. Some people choose to forgive but it's up to you. You should also ask her side of the story because it's also possible he lied about "not finishing."

[Ali]

Codependency makes me sad. I hope you realize someday that you can do better.

[hope]

You either forgive him or u leave him...if u want to work it out then try marriage counseling..If u feel like u can never trust him again and get back what u two were before then let him go and find a good faithful man.

[Amy]

" He states that she kissed him on the cheek and then the lips and said quick quick im in a rush and he replied ok take your clothes off. He then slept with her and stated he used a condom and as soon as he knew he was about to reach orgasm he withdrew from her and finished away from her. He stated that he just did not want to ejaculate inside her- she wasn't his wife he didnt love her. After he had a shower and scrubbed himself and regretted it. "

None of that makes ANY sense whatsoever, that woman was not going to just say "quick I'm in rush", if you are building up a relationship prior to seeing each other in person.... why would you want to rush anything and just have quick sex ? They BOTH traveled a lot to see each other, just to have quick sex ? That's stupid, they could have both had quick sex with someone a lot closer to them if that's all they wanted. He was there a week and only saw her that one time....I seriously doubt that .

He CONTINUED to call her on the phone after he got back from seeing her, you said he called her about 4 times in a month, that's about once a week, so he still kept the communication going AND he would also text her " I love u" crap, his reasoning ? Because he wanted to end things nicely with her ? Again that makes no sense, why would you be texting someone that you love them and be calling them if you are trying to end things with them ? He could have just been an adult and told her this... " Listen, you and I are both married to other people and we should try to salvage our own marriages instead of seeking an affair, I wish you luck in your life and hope all the best for you, but we need to end this before anyone gets hurt, we are both cheating other people and depriving them of being with someone faithful. We need to become as good as our partners believe us to be and stop backstabbing the person that married us."

Instead he did NONE of that and just kept contact with her. The ONLY reason he stopped is because he got caught. I'm guessing he would have led things fizzle out a little bit and maintained a one a week phone call just to keep her on the side as his friends with benefit for the times he could be away from you.

If he were to divorce you then he would probably have to pay you alimony, maybe lose the house to you ? Pay for child support ? That is all a LOSE-LOSE situation for him, he will be in DEBT if you divorced him, he needs to be married to you, he just wants some side action.