My boyfriend recently deployed and now suffers from paranoia about the possibility that I might cheat. Help?

[melodicpartner919]

My boyfriend deployed 2 months ago (to a non-combat zone with a job not directly related to combat) and though I have given him no reason to suspect or think that I might cheat on him while he is gone, the issue still pops up. I know that he is just worried but I am at my wits end when it comes to what to say and do to allay his fears. He has access to all of my social media (my decision) as well as anything else he would like to see (again my decision). Is there anything that I can say or do that might help this situation? Any couples out there who have experienced this sort of thing while going through a deployment? I want us to work, and I want him to come home safe and sane more than anything and I need help figuring out the best way to support him.
I mention that he's not going to a non-combat zone since I whole heartedly believe the difference between being somewhere you don't want to be and being somewhere you don't want to be AND being in potentially life threatening situations on a regular basis is an important one and can effect the thought processes of the person who is there.

[ingsoc1]

Whats your number?

[RayHere]

Jealousy is the only vice...yes it is a vice...without any benefits what so ever you don't even feel good for a while

[Dan H]

He needs to understand that trust is a two way street. You trust him not to cheat...and apparently he hasn't given you any reason to think that he has, and therefore the trust is still there.

He MUST trust until and unless you give him reason to believe otherwise. If he can't trust you, the he is showing that he also doesn't respect you...and he will lose in the end. Tell him that.

I was married for my entire enlistment and my wife and I never had these trust issues...and we never gave each other any reason to not trust each other. If he's so insecure, then the relationship is doomed to fail.

[Living the Dream]

You can't do anything more than you already have. He'll either get over it or he won't. So it's now up to you if you want to put up with it or not.

[Thomas]

skype him showing you using a sex toy.

[Chelle]

I hate to say this, but men who are the most worried about their girlfriends cheating are usually cheaters themselves. They don't trust because they know they, themselves, cannot be trusted!

I think this guy's bad news. He clearly has control issues. He's not going to change. The military is hell on marriages, and even worse on unmarried relationships. Why YOU felt you had to mention he's not going to combat was a little insulting to me. Service is service. He could end up on orders any time no matter what his job is. Just because you're trained in one MOS doesn't mean you are guaranteed to work in it at all, much less your entire enlistment. Even officers get moved around in war time. So I'll say once again, service is service!

I hope you two figure some things out, but it doesn't sound good to me. He chose to leave you behind. None of this is your doing. Life is short. Either get married, go live near him, or dump the guy and let him have his self-fulfilling prophecy. He's clearly not appreciating your efforts. Let him know what he's missing out on. Maybe he'll grow up a little bit. Give him a little vacation from you and DO NOT CHEAT on him in the process. Maybe he'll settle the 'f' down.

[littleGenius329]

A few things:

Being away from each other for long periods of time allows from emotional needs to go unfulfilled and at times permits strangers to fill those needs while your significant other is away. His fears are not uncommon and can be expected. One thing is for sure though if you don't cheat that speaks volumes about the person you're.

Now for tips: I must applaud you for your decision to allow him to access your social media sites and anything else he desires, at his discretion. That really shows your commitment and sincerity, this alone would have convinced me. But to ease his worries you should try to build a more structured relationship and the way to do this is with effective communication. You two being a distance apart makes this a little more difficult but not impossible, I suggest the four rules. The rule of care, time, honesty, and protection.

Care: Identify each others most important emotional needs and meet them. Even though you two may be miles apart you can begin to meet them in creative and even fun ways.

Time: take time out for each other. To meet each others needs you will need to set aside time to meet them.

Honesty: Be honest about everything your past, present, needs, how you feel, etc. Lies are only cracks in the dam that will damn us all.

Protection: Protect your spouse from the evils of the world and your shortsightedness. Cheating typically occurs when we want to meet our most intimate needs, this decision comes with a dire cost that destroys our long-term happiness.

If you both commit to this type of structure trust will not be an issue.

[mgan]

Sounds like all his buddies have cheating girlfriends or are telling him about cheating girlfriends. Tell him to give it a break or hit the road. If he doesn't trust you then you don't need to be together!

[7of9]

Yea I had a bf that always accused me. He finally told me one day he felt if he accused me all the time, that I would not do it. He did not stop until God had a talk with him, but yea until he can resolved his own insecurity issues he will continue to do this. It always made me wonder what he was doing and with whom.