Is it right to expect your boyfriend to be honest with you about certain things?

[Free Me]

I am beginning to realize, after asking many questions about my boyfriend, that perhaps he is all wrong for me. He is not honest about a lot of things, including contact with his ex or talking to other women. He does not tell me these things, and when I find out and get upset, he acts like I am the one with the problem. He told me tonight that his business is his business, and that he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants. My ex husband once said the same thing, when I found him talking to an old girlfriend on Facebook. I left because I felt he was not being as honest with me as I was with him. I guess I can be overly controlling with my new boyfriend because I felt burned by my ex. Am I wrong to expect honesty like this, or is my boyfriend right? I need to know, because if I am right, I can feel free to move on.

[David]

There is no right or wrong. These are just words we use to describe our opinions on things.

I can only tell you how I feel about things in my own opinion. Personally I wouldn't have told you either. I mean you were obviously upset by it and you don't own him. It is his business and if you don't trust him then maybe you aren't ready for a relationship anyway.

In my opinion it is wrong for you to think that you can control your boyfriend like you own him. He's his own person and can do what he wants. If that leads to him getting back together with his ex girlfriend then you two weren't meant to be together anyway and you're only preventing his happiness because of your own selfishness.

But as I said. Right and wrong are just words we use to describe our opinions on situations. No one can tell you if you were in the right or in the wrong. Only if you were in the right or wrong with respect to their opinion.

[. smile .]

No. You Aren't Wrong. You Both Should Be Openly Honest. If There's Something He's Doing You Dont Like You Should Feel Free To State It Without Remarks Like That. And If It Were Something Real And He Resprected Your Feelings The Way He Should If He Knows You Don't Like It He Would Stop. Dont Limit Your Expectations.

[Juna]

It isn't unreasonable to expect honesty in your relationship. What he needs is a dose of 'if the shoe were on the other foot'...

Remember what he said? 'His business is his business'? Well, just randomly text someone (a friend) or check your email on your phone about every hour...in front of him...but where he can't see what you are exactly doing. Walk toward another room...go to the bathroom and lock the door... Don't tell him what you're doing if he asks...just say 'nothing' and practically ignore him. Now, be sure whatever you do is really on the up & up though. If he secretly checks your phone don't be texting/msg guys, or talking about him to other ppl. It would really piss him off and backfire on you. Keep your phone where he can't get to it without you catching him snooping. When he gets all curious, bent out of shape, or insisting on knowing what you are up to...that's the prime opportunity to say: 'as you stated before- YOUR business is YOUR business...and I am telling you that MY business is MY business..or do we have a misunderstanding? If you are free to talk to anyone you wish, the same goes for me too...or do you have a problem with such an arrangement'?
Just understand that you will have to learn to quit worrying about it before he will be comfortable opening up to you.

Honestly, unless he's got children with the ex, what's the whole attachment & conversation thing about with them anyway? She's not his gf anymore, and not likely his best friend. Maybe he likes playing jealousy games, or is still hung up on her...Either way, you gotta fight fire with fire to get anywhere with this guy. If he acts totally uninterested in what you're doing, it's a sign he really doesn't care about you or what's going on with you because he's distracted and occupied with someone/something else. Can't get any more straightforward than that.