how can i become a spider?

[hotrod]

You should be like him and jump off the balcony, should be fun

[Machariel]

Ummm yea...it bit you and the bite turned green?

That spider isn't trying to be friends...that means that the venom was necrotic and the bite is now possibly infected. I would get to a hospital, since that sounds a bit like a recluse.

[SynChevron]

Spider bites indicate that you're being messaged from the great Spider god Anansi. It means you are the next to become part spider, or even fully spider. I always try to get spiders to bite me, but it doesn't work.

So first you have to find a huge field. Then you have to mark a huge marking that's able to be seen from the air that's in the form of a spider. Then you should stand in the middle of it, and lift the arm you were bit on.
After you've held your arm up for a good 10 minutes, say this prayer (with your arm still up): "Oh, great Spider god Anansi! I call out to you to to let you know I've received your message from your messenger Jack! I vow to live under your will as a spider for all my life, until death. Please, give me your power!"
After that, you should be knocked unconscious by the power of Anansi hitting you, and once you awaken, you will be nearly full spider. The only downside is that nobody can know (if they find out, Anansi will kill you and whoever else found out, and use his mind powers to wipe any memory from peoples minds who may have known the people he killed). You mostly have to live deep underground. Far deeper than humans could live in, or even make it to in machines. But don't worry. I heard it isn't too bad down there. They have free WiFi.

[daniel g]

This will probably happen at nite when you least expect it, but don't be surprised if a few other spider friends show up in your room to socialize in the mean time.