I want to make peace with my ex 2 years after a TERRIBLE breakup. Bad idea?

[G]

A little over two years ago, I was dumped by my ex of two years, she had met another man and moved on. We had a pretty toxic relationship, equally heavy on passion and warfare, along with jealousy and insecurity. Looking back, I know it was never meant to be. My life was in a much different place, and I was far more selfish and absorbed in my own world.

I did not handle the breakup well at the time, emailing/texting/calling, looking for answers, bugging her friends, bugging my friends, got family involved, etc. Dumb.

I found out on top of her breaking up with me, she was writing a very vicious blog about me, she left all her “favorites” on my laptop which led to me looking for answers through the blogs she read, and then I found hers…She was tearing apart every aspect of my life, heavy on defamation, and distorted lies. This lead me to writing her a nasty email, and every bridge catching fire once I fully realized she was telling me one thing and writing a lot more.

Lo and behold, after a few months I met someone who became my best friend and life partner and I am to be marrying her in 2013. Life got really good, I realized love is simple. My ex leaving me taught me some valuable lessons too about figuring out who I am, setting long term goals, and improving my quality of life. I relocated to where my fiancé is, and I love it here. Not to mention the growth in success in my personal and work life has been great. I thank her because I buckled down afterwards.

However, she continued to blog about me (and others she hated including her former roommate) for almost 18 months after leaving me. Just silly stuff, trashing my new lady, my new dog (I had one with her that she kept), my appearance (like my hairline), etc. I issued a cease and desist letter to her employer warning that I would be pursuing a lawsuit if she continued to defame me, which she was doing on her company’s time. She also dragged my family into her blog which just wasn’t acceptable.

I have not had any direct contact with her since March 2011, but lately I have thought about her. I got pretty sick (unexpectedly) a few months back, and heavy thoughts about life and death came at me fast. I personally do not like having any ‘enemies’, and have made peace with the one or two from my past, and am cordial to all my exes.

Though she left me, I think she still has a lot of bitterness or resentment, which I don't get. I know for a fact she still blogs/tweets about me, because I have looked. I guess when you know something is out there, it’s hard to look away. I am unsure if apologizing will do any good, or if it will be used against me in a blog or another form of social media, which my fiancé believes will happen. But she was someone I once loved and cared for, and I’d rather see her happy than hold a bitterness towards me. Lastly, she is marrying the man she left me for, and I am happy for her.

Is it worth it?
Please advise internetters!

Thanks for reading!

[Arrogantcreature796]

What lawyer wrote up a cease and desist letter for her employer over personal BS on her blog? I hope you didn't pay money for that, it was wasted. She did nothing illegal, though it is petty and stupid.

I would suggest you stop stalking her online, then you wouldn't know what she wrote and move on with your life for real. You haven't really if she is still taking up this much emotional energy for you. Devote your time and energy to the new woman. It is unfair to her that you continue to be looking backwards and involving yourself in drama for no reason.

Your ex is petty and immature, but you are not acting any better by continuing to contribute to it. So stop doing that. You will feel better and I'm sure your fiance will like it as well. Once the ex realizes you are no longer paying attention, I suspect she will find new people to write about.

[Jill]

WOW! I think she has many wrongs. I wonder if you wish you would have done more to try and save the relationship?

I don't see forgiveness yet or any type of cordial relationship. It is obvious to me although she ended your relationship she had feelings for you and still does. If she didn't she wouldn't care about your new life. Perhaps she is only marrying this guy because she knew you wouldn't take her back???
I think she has regrets but is too immature to even admit to them. If a person is truly happy they don't look back and still cause pain. They are too busy in their new lives. I would hold off for now and get on with your life. Issues still need to be resolved . To me it sounds like she is hurting. I would let sleeping dogs lie for now. Good luck.

[john]

You're an idiot for spending one second worrying or thinking about this. She's your ex, she's a loser, move on.

[LuckyScholar984]

Its hard ending a relationship that you had for so many years. It's comfortable and comforting...like an old warm blanket or sweatshirt that is their when you need it most. You never expect to lose it or to have it stolen....the realization that it has been lost stolen or even donated is difficult to accept.

I had to let such relationship go, He was my best friend for about five years but anything and everyone else was more important. When I realized it was not a healthy relationship for me, I ended it. I pretended like it did not hurt but we both know it did. I met someone else and it made it easier for me to move on. It did not work out with me and the other man, whom i still remember fondly, but I did not run back to my former best friend although he tried to be there for me when he thought I needed him. I do not.

I said some things about him that were true but unfavorable. I will not disclose everything I know because it is no one's business and no matter what, I will always respect the fact that he trusted me with certain information. You hurt her which is why she is speaking ill of you. You probably, on some level know what she is saying is true and want to apologize. Just do it. If she is mature enough to accept fine. If not, you tried and should leave that part of your life in the past. Walk away holding your head high. I certainly am.