I found out that my boyfriend lied to me?

[lawlass]

A loser - and a liar - indeed. Why are you even wasting the time to write a question about him? You know what to do: toss him to the curb, drop him, dump him, eighty-six him - GET RID OF HIM!!! I would not spend another precious minute of your life with this guy. For that matter, I wouldn't even bother breaking up with him - just don't answer any more calls, texts, emails, etc. Real men don't lie and cheat - you can do much better. UGH! Tell him - "LATER LOSER!" and mean it.

[N]

You are a strong, beautiful woman and you deserve to be treated like you matter. He doesn't deserve you by any means, I don't know how you feel about leaving him but I think you should. I was in a relationship and thought, he loves me and dotes on me, bla hblah blah. In the end looking back, I lost everything. My job, home, car and independence because of him. NOBODY is worth losing yourself or sight of what you truly deserve. Dump him and find a real man, who you don't start out with based on lies.

Good luck sweetie, if you ever want to chat I'm at shenannygins84 at gmail dot com.

[the ~maiden~ xanz]

Feelings are not right or wrong. They just are what they are and they're yours. You are entitled to whatever that is for you. It's what you do with them that matters.

Here's my problem with the whole thing....

I don't understand why people so young make such a big deal out of being exclusive, why they act like they are married when they are dating, and to me dating is seeing lots of people, finding out what you like, what kind of people you are attracted to, who works for you, who doesn't. Things like how to get on in the world full of humans, relationships... it's practice, experience - interpersonal skills 101.

I think exclusivity should be reserved for those who have done a lot of that, who are ready to begin to think of making a choice. How much time is wasted with years on one person that is not going to be a permanent person in one's life because there is still college and a personal future to deal with, values to explore, evolution to take place. I don't get why they want to invest the same energy into a dating type relationship that one would expect from a marriage.

I didn't do it. I dated one guy off and on for 6 years, but I dated others too and he was not the guy I married. All I would have missed had I not at the same time been seeing other guys would have seemed crazy to me.

But having said all of that, in this atmosphere of being exclusive, and in my opinion, way too serious too soon, it happens that because he has made a promise to you, that because you have an understanding, he has lied about who he has been with and your standing with him. The lie is a problem to me, even while I don't agree with the arrangement in the first place.

So, he has been doing this for some time and it hurts. I get that. If you feel he doesn't care about you, that he has misrepresented your relationship, flaunted his indiscretion on a social site for everyone else to see too, then why are you still bothering with him? I know the feelings can still be there. We don't stop loving just because someone betrays us, but we can't get on with everyone we could love. We can make the decision to uninvest ourselves, to pull back, retreat, stop.

I think I would tell him, "You want to see other people? That's fine. I'll be doing that too" and then I would.

I think exclusivity should be reserved for a man who has earned it, who has asked for and is giving himself just to you, you to him, and even then only when it looks like this is something that could lead to a lifetime choice, not to just every single guy you date, one at a time, as if it will last forever and any other thought of anyone else is a betrayal, but as I said, that's just me.

The human brain is not even fully developed until the age of 25 or older, and particularly in the area of impulse control. Fully mature adults have trouble staying monogamous, but we have 19/20 year olds (and way younger) expecting that kind of commitment from one another and then mystified when it doesn't work. It doesn't work because it isn't meant to work at that age. So, then comes the lie to cover up the inability to keep such a promise in the first place, and then the lie becomes hurtful and how many years have you wasted on this thing?

Please understand I am not doubting the ability to love as a teenager or 20 something. I believe that is real. I just think the expectations that seem more like a marriage are not.

It would appear you aren't asking a question, but looking for validation, and I would give it to you, because he wasn't truthful or honest with you. He gave you reason to expect one thing and then gave you another, but I can't fault him for looking around at his age, for flirting or being a normal guy. He just never should have promised to be anything else.