What's wrong with me?

[.:SchitMint:.]

Ever since I was little, I recall always being pessimistic. Now looking back, I was a very depressed child. I'm still very depressed and I am reaching a record-breaking low for myself. [I'm 17 now]. However, I am confused. There is nothing around my environment to make me this depressed. My childhood was relatively normal. I mean, I had a broken family, but who doesn't right? I guess I was ignored a lot as kid, but smothered at the same.. How the hell does that happen? I mean, I was never a normal sized kid, always the Chubster, but I wasn't THAT bullied to have it scar me like this...It's probably people. I can't stand them. Yet, I can't stay away from them. But why do I hate myself so much? It's amazing how a person can HATE oneself. I day dream about dying, I contemplate suicide, I plan out dropping hints for my family. I find myself binging on food and then starving myself- fail then cut.
I utterly hate my appearance, my every move, every word that comes out of my mouth.. I"m in an endless cycle of hate and hurting, but why?? Am I alone here? Where does so much hate and anger and sadness come from?? What's wrong with me?

[Animefanboy20]

maybe its just your attitude. Find yourself something to cheer yourself up

[meiling kwok]

dont worry, I feel the exact same with you

just try to think happy happy thoughts

[Jose]

There's nothing wrong with you. You're just in a pit. I feel so sorry for you. I have been in your shoes too many times. I know it hurts, and you feel like there's nobody there for you, but I'll listen to you. I don't know you, but I want to save you. Just remember, the darker it is, the closer you are to the light(: keep your head up.... It gets better. Start trying new things, like learning an instrument or drawing. Just find an escape that isn't dangerous, and be smart about it. I don't want to he like everyone else and say "don't care about what people say", but its possible.. you CAN stop cutting, I promise. You can live through it. Please text me on find me on Twitter NOW. I want to help you. Twitter: @JoseDinosaur 2252666151(America)