Found out today my boyfriend of a year likely cheated on me. Devastated and need to end this. Help me out?

[Hurricain]

No need for you to apologize for going through his phone. His actions gave you cause to suspect he was hiding something on the phone from you; you snooped due to "probable cause", and your suspicions were confirmed. I'd tell him he's busted...you went through the phone, you know about his tinder account and the other girl he was trying to date.

Then, get the hell out of this relationship...you deserve better. Luckily there's nothing stopping you from ending this and moving on. It didn't work out.

[Sarah]

People can be such dicks on here ... Girls, fyi, marriage isn't the 'be all' of relationships. There are many people out there who are in a committed, loving relationship for YEARS (I'm talking decades) who never got married. So don't tell me that just because you're boyfriend and girlfriend, doesn't mean you can't be committed. Sometimes, getting married actually RUINS the relationship. (Wonder why divorce rates are so high?)

Anyway, what I would've done is told him the truth -- catch him in the lie right then and there, when you had the proof. Tell him, "I snooped your phone and seen the messages you sent her ..." I know you feel bad about snooping, but he basically did wrong to you too by (essentially) cheating. I know you're unsure if it happened physically, but the point is he did it mentally/emotionally, and sometimes that's just as bad. Mind you, you've dropped it now, so it may be harder to prove it now. Especially if he's deleted the messages now just in case. But he needs to know that YOU know. You know what you seen on his phone, and that's all the proof you need. I know this is hard to deal with and accept, but if he's trying to be with another girl (especially one online), then he's not going to stay committed to you. You seen headstrong in the fact of realizing who your boyfriend really is, even in the amount of shock you're currently in. Stay on that path. Don't fall into any cope that he says like "its just my head. I need you and love you". He doesn't need you, and he clearly doesn't love you. If he did, he wouldn't have done that with a messed up mentality or not. Love is a different part of the brain. I know its hard, but don't fall back into him. Trust me, the future will not look good.

Don't let this deteer you away from other guys, though. There are some out there that will love you, and follow you through hell and back. Don't think this is the end! Its just the beginning for you, and you will come out even stronger once you've moved past this 'mistake'. Keep your head up!

[Charlie]

overdramatic much??

[.]

Oh man, I am sorry but this is too long to read.

[edie]

dfsoo, I don't think that you're going to be able to keep this to yourself for long, because you are hurting. he has probably been acting like this from the beginning because he didn't know how to tell you he was cheating on you, and because he didn't know what you would do about it. if you want to, bring it up again, and try a "WHAT IF" situation. like tell him a story like you have posted here and ask him WHAT IF: something like this would happen to him what would he do. this is to see what he would say. then you can go from there and let him know what you would do, and do it, if you want to, or just tell him your opinion of the person that is cheating. this should hit home and let him know that you know something. if he don't confess or tell you the truth just leave, and leave him to wonder why you left. or just tell him that you found out about what he was doing. it will be your choice and your time to get out of the relationship if you want to. I'm sorry you had to go through something like this after being so faithful to him. but this is your chance to shine. I wish you well

[Sue C]

Honey, at this point in time I sure wouldn't be worrying about what he tho't, what he says, what he does. You now know you cannot trust him. I can certainly tel lyou're an honest person who deserves the same respect in return. I would tell him all. Let him know you're well aware he lied to you & you're sorry you can no longer trust him as he broke that bond of trust with you. You've decided things are not working out as you hoped they would. You feel it best for him to go his way, you've decided to go forward with your life. Put it in the past, bury it deep. Your past will be forever gone, but your future is still your own. Know there IS a special someone out there just for you. You haven't met him yet but will when you least expect it. Don't even allow this liar to ruin it for future guys who come your way.You know no two people are alike, don't let it give you fears of trust just because of one person. No one deserves to be "labeled" due to him, it's not fair to the others. Know the rite one WILL come along when you least expect it. You'll then have all the love & happiness your heart can hold. Know the best IS yet to come & it WILL...

[Pat]

I agree with mich. He is telling the cold hard truth! Here is what you do. The first opportunity you get when he is not with you, like at work, etc. pack your things and GO! Call a moving van if need be. There are other fish in the sea!